Disaster is my middle name.

So this week has been tumultuous at best and disheartening at worst. What am I saying it's not all that bad. See, right now I'm sitting at the computer with a chocolate mask on my face that the supplement lady gave me. I look like a dirty hobo or a man with black face. It's amusing. I can almost guarantee that when I wash it off the sink water will look like diarrhea. Which will also be something to see. This is what my life has come to I suppose. That's what happens when your boyfriend and good girlfriend skip town. My birthday was bittersweet because it involved everyone showing some love for me, but my moosh left for the first dump of our stuff to Texas. It's all happening. I also found out that I don't have to take Spanish anymore and that I will be graduating in approx. one year. Yes, there will be more school after that, but I will have two degrees under my panties and one more to go until I can have a career. What this means is that it feels good. Like Tony Toni Tone said. Ya get me?

I also got to spend mucho time alone with myself and my puppy and that was also wonderful. I watched two seasons of the L Word and now I want to have a girlfriend again. I've told Ezra from the get go that he is my last man relationship and if it doesn't work, I'm going back to the puss. No offense to the men, but the girls are way hotter. Crazier, but hotter. I cleaned my room, went through more of my clothes and exercised. Nice and relaxing. But I miss my Ezra. It's not the same without him and it feels like a family when we are together. Blah. Sappiness is not a good side of me.

Shopping with my ma was wonderful and I got three HUGE bags of clothes. I am really excited about this leopard print tight dress I got for our going away party. I am going all retro and will be all hot. I gotta go out with a bang ya'll!

On a darker note, I got in another fight with Amy. Same shit and I'm done as fuck. I am not dealing with bullshit from anyone. I will find new friends and friends that won't fuck me over. Life is too short to spend time worrying about someone who doesn't give a shit about me. I have less than a month left to spend here and don't want to waste it.

I have also figured out what I good friend I have in Karen. We have gotten very close and I love her to death. She is honest and upfront and very fun. I am sad to be leaving her.

I've decided that I want to work at a porn shop in Texas. Or a clothing store. Either will work.

Greg has been dead for one year tomorrow. I loved him and I probably always will. I will never get over this hurdle in my life. He made me feel beautiful and smart and stole all of my money. He built me up in a way that I will never ever be built up again and he was a lying drug addicted fool. Life is dichotomous and I hate it. Everything is full of two extremes and nothing can ever, EVER be perfect. That's why I'm happy with Ezra. He isn't the sweetest boyfriend and can sometimes be insensitive, but he is stable and there for me. I love him with all my heart and will do anything to keep us working. I want to be with him for a very long time. And the sex is great.

My brain and heart are in knots. I wish things were different but they are not. I wish to death that Amy loved me like I love her and I wish that she was the way she used to be. I wish that our friendship wasn't ending the way that it is.

Well, it's bedtime. I hope sleep comes easy for me. Without Ezra, it's hard to sleep.