If you're hurtin', so am I

So I was driving back from getting a splederific rub down today and Joey by Concrete Blonde came on the radio (My Sirus radio got stolen and I have no CD player or tapes), and I started bawling. See, I really relate to that song because it reminds me of everything I went through with Greg. If anyone out there has ever dated a drug addict, you know how unbearably difficult it is to watch a person you love spiral into a hole so deep that you can't even see their former self anymore. The lyrics of that song really get to me. I have no idea if she is singing about drugs, but it fits me so well. I would have done anything to help Greg. It was so sad seeing him go through something that I could not help him with. Or even understand. I have never been addicted to anything in my entire life, so I had no idea what he was going through.

When she says If it's love you're lookin for/I can give a little more, that is EXACTLY what it's like. Because Greg was looking for love unconditionally, which he has never had before, and I wanted nothing more than to give that to him. But after 34 years of people running out on him and treating him bad, he didn't kow how to recieve it. Drugs took over.

I will never forget the look on his face when he told me he stole my money. He was crying harder than I've ever seen a man cry in my life and was regressing to childlike behavior. Grabbing on me, and holding me so tight. I wanted to die. I wasn't even mad at all, but I knew it was completely over. I felt so bad for him and just held him as I waited for my mother to pick me up from the apartment. After someone wipes out your bank account, how could you not punch them in the face? I don't know.

I wish these memories would go away. But it's all I have of him. I burned everything else after he committed suicide. All I have is this computer that I'm typing on and some random letters at my parent's house. Oh, some stolen dvd's from blockbuster too.