I'm Thinkin' Triple X!

Whoa nelly. I had the best week ever last week. For your reading pleasure, I will recap it in all it's splender with much detail. I picked Angie up at the airport last saturday and proceeded to get the 24 hour flu, which kind of busted our night. Then on Sunday, we did a little shopping and went to a bar and took pictures of ourselves with Hitler moustaches. Monday happened to be the best night of the week because Ben, Lisa, Ezra, Ang, and I went to swing night at Sam's Burger Joint where they had this amazing drink called "Drop and Gimmie", that I slugged down 4 of. We danced the night away, by ourselves, per usual, and went to the Mix. No one knew how drunk Lisa actually was and she ended up making the night the amazing one that it was. She is an amazing party animal.

Tuesday we didn't leave the house.

Wednesday Angie, Rocko, Ben, and I went to see the Warhol/Basquiat exhibit at a museam followed by a trip to the San Jose Mission. We were cultured.

Now here's where it gets good...

Thursday we went to see Turbonegro which, as always rocked my sailor hat right off of my noggin. THEN, Angie and I got matching pizza tattoos that say "Home Slice". Yes, it's true. SO SWEET!!!

SXSW couldn't get any sweeter either.

Friday: Jay Retard and the Bloody Hollies rocked my ungergarments, but Angie and I actually got in to see PEACHES! Fucking Peaches, who I have been waiting years to see. I was on stage (well, halfway) and we clasped hands. I touched Peaches. I also stole her half drank bottle of water and drank the rest. Fuck your mother if you think that is gross, she is a fucking goddess. We are one now. I fucking love her and it was awesome. To top that rad day off, I got to see the SPITS play at a house party. They are one of my favorito bands of all time and I haven't seen them in years, so I was happy. SOOOOO happy. After that amazing day we headed back to our packed (8 people, 1 dog) hotel room and despite the various men snoring, I conked out and dreamed dreams of merkins and retards.

Saturday: After waiting in line for what seemed like an eternity behind masses of pretentious hipsters, Angie, Ezra, and I went to the comedy showcase. There were some alright bands there, The Walkmen (who I've seen), The Ponys (who I wanna like, but just suck live), Sloan (?), Fucked Up (I actually dug them), and whoever else. The real reason why we waited was for the comedians. DAVID CROSS. Tobias. Oh my fucking God. Behind Bill Hicks (who is obviously dead, therefore I will never see), David is my bestest. Zack Galafanackis was there too. The highlight from that show was David Cross walking right fucking past me and Michael Showalter from the State asking me what band was playing. Oh, and we got super fucking drunk off rum and cokes and I stole a bunch of buttons and a tee-shirt. I also stole some stickers and proceeded to put them on every persons ass in the joint. Ha Ha hipsters, I ruined your planned outfits. Fuck them.
Later that night Ang and I went to an all Electro showcase which was nothing short of life changing. I fucking mean that too. I haven't danced that hard since I was a teenage raver. THe only diference was the lack of hallucinogins. As I was shaking that ghetto booty that has a mind of it's own, who walks in but Peaches (!) and J.D. from La Tigre and Peaches keytarist from her current tour. FUCKING AMAZING. So I'm dancing right next to them and having the best time. Everything was perfect and I will never forget my SXSW trip.

Oh, and we saw Jamie Kennedy breakdancing in the middle of the road (?). Weird.

It was amazing and awesome and I came away musically refreshed and inspired. Thank you to everyone who participated in my perfect week. I can't wait to have more fun in Ohio in 8 days.

I'm a Hater...And PROOOUUUUD Of It!!

Well, my new gig as a barbitch most certianly rocks the socks off of any other job I could possibly have. It's only brewski's so I don't have to worry about learning how to make any fancy schmancy shit, there are a gaggle of regulars that already love me and tip me very well, I can do my homework and more importantly read magazines behind the bar. Very little clean up and free popcorn with hot sauce! What, I ask you, more could a girl want from a sleazy job? Not much. It's super cheap drinks and scummy Mexicans and I fit right in. I'm makin' the dough and paying the bills again. Word up.

I've started running with Ben and Lisa and it feels nice. Every day, when I can, I run a mile and a half to try to tone my body. I definetly don't want to lose my ass or boobs, just make the rest of it a little less jiggly. Try to cut back on the carbs a tad (my weakness, le sigh) and eat a little more fruit and veggies. Vegans can pig out on junk food too.

Only 12 more days til Angie comes and it will be nothing short of amazing. I love her to death and can't wait till we are reunited (cause it feels so good). Destruct-o mode in full effect.

Now I'm going to go pick up my specs from the store (they broke) and perhaps do a little shoppie shop. I deserve it, I have money now.

Ezra and I are still doing amazing...no fights (per usual) to report on. It's fun having a life together and making things work and helping each other out. He makes me happier than I've ever been and that hasn't changed in the year and 1/2 that we've been together. Plus he's wildly handsome.

Hexed...Part Duex

Ok, yes this is the second post of the day, but I'm feeling chatty, so let me be.

On this BEAUTIFUL 84 degree day we are having here in San Antone, I just realized that my air conditioner in my vehicle doesn't fucking work. Ha Ha just in time for the weekend heatwave. Fuck the world are my sentiments.

Today is Ash Wednesday, whatever that means. What it means to me is that I am going to watch Army of Darkness at the Alamo Drafthouse today and celebrate big chins everywhere!! Catholic guilt will not have the best of me, for I am not Catholic (or any religion for that matter) and do not give a fuck.

I need a job. I think I have one, but I am not sure. If I do, it is at the Frio Saloon as the beer slinging mama. They have Tejano bands play on the weekends and that rules.***I actually do have a job at Bath and Body Works, but that doesn't count, for it is only 2-3 days a week.

I have a new obsession. It is looking at personal ads on Craigslist. People actually put PICTURES of their genitals on there. I fucking love it and look at ads for hours on end. I have no life.

I want a new tattoo. I know I just got one, but my New Years Resolution is to finish my sleeves by the end of this year. AND I don't want Ezra to do all of my shit. Here's a list of what I want for the armage:
1. Divine Portrait. That will have to wait because it will cost me a pretty penny.
2. Frankenstein.
3. Flamingo knife going through my skin. Don't ask, it's hard to explain.
4. Zombie with worms.
5. filler shit.

That's it. I also want my chest piece (Bat) and Grandpa Munster on my left ankle. Oh, so many tattoos, so little space.

I'm done babbling now.

Hexed...

I'm convinced I have been hexed. Someone out there wants to ruin my life and let me tell you they are succeeding. Make long stories short, some fuck-up of a counsler at UTSA steered me in the wrong direction and not only was I wasting my precious time, I am out of approx. 1500 dollars in financial aid money. Like I used it for no reason and am getting no learning or refund cashola out of it. FUCK YOU LADY. AND to top it all off, I have a hundred more years of school to finish before I am ever out of here. The good news is that Ezra is going to be a good man (like he always is) and support the fuck out of me while I take 15-18 credit hours for the next year and a half so that I can finish school. He is my saving grace and I love him to no end. BUT I am still hexed. My life is poisened. But instead of dwelling on it, I'm going to accept the setback and move on. Well, I'm at school and some freak is staring at me so I have to get off of here. It's hard for me to write a lot because I can't write when others are in the area. I'm weird like that.
Moosh.

Once I Wanted to be The Greatest

Holla! So seriously, nothing of note is happening in my life. Points of interest are as follows:

1. Angie will be coming soon (Mar. 10-18th to be exact!). This will be a glorious opportunity to be in full-on, hardcore, destruct-o mode, which we excell at everytime we are together. For you simpletons that are confused as to exactly what "destruct-o mode" entails, well, you'll just have to wait for the pictures. It usually involves getting into a verbal altercation with someone that needs to be told off, or breaking, throwing, or all out ruining things. Ezra is not pleased.

2. I still need a steady, semi-good paying job. Working life sucks for me right now, but as I slowly wear out my applying options, the plan is that SOME fool will hire me and make me a waitress.

3. The weather here rules right now.

4. South by southwest is coming soon! Hopefully if all goes well, we will be hanging out with Turbonegro on the mean streets of Austin. I have a plan!

That's really, really all that is going on right now. Things with Ezra are nothing short of amazing. Oh, here's a good story...we went to the self-proclaimed "Worst BBQ in Texas" (which is actually the best, nice play on words, Texans), under the assumption that there was something I could eat (grilled corn, etc.). Ladies and Germs, I had a pickle. That's it. I couldn't even eat their bread. Texas does NOT welcome vegans with open arms, I will tell you this. Ces't la vie. Well mooshies, off I go to school...I miss everyone!

MONDO WOLFFO

So, as I know that everyone has been utterly curious about how my porn experience went. Well...I must say that it was a smashing success. That is all I will say about it, a girls gotta have her secrets. But it did end with a wet spot on the bed. HAHAHAHAHAHAHa. I'm so fucking gross. Sorry.

These last couple days have been uneventful. Sort of. Yesterday was a psychobilly extravaganza with one super, super shit-o band. The drummer looked like James Van Der Beak but gayer and I wanted to punch him in the nuts. The band is called Calabrese, so look them up and heckle them next time they come to your town.

I really miss everyone back home. But it looks like there will be a Reunion of sorts occurring during SXSW!! Andy has hinted that he and some other sweet folks will be venturing down the open road to kick it Clevo style. Angie will be there also, so I am going to be in Cleveland heaven. Without the -20 windchill factor! Seriously, sorry folks that are up there, but it's going to be 69 tomorrow and like 9 for you. Get out while you can.

I'm going bowlin, so peace the fuck out!

Come On Baby You're My Best Fix.

It's been a while since I've Blizzoged, but not much is going on. I quit my 2nd job since I've been here on account of the rediculously low rate I was being paid. So now I'm jobless once again. Ezra is cool with it, but I'm not. Shit, I got bills and shopping to do. My new scheme is to tend bar somewhere that I am worshipped. Whether it be a Lesbo joint, or a skanky biker bar, I need tips. And no, the door hitting me in the ass is not a good tip.

Things otherwise are going pretty good. Ezra downloaded some porno and I'm going to give it another go. He's right, how can a girl who can look at poop and pus all day and giggle about it squeal everytime she sees a penis enter a vagina? I don't know is the answer. I'm not by ANY sense a prudie prude pants, it just doesn't appeal to me. I wouldn't even be opposed to filming a sexy movie, but watching it gives me the heebie jeebies. But, like the trooper that I am, I'm gonna give it another go 'round. Stay tuned for the details...

Things with Ezra are going DISTURBINGLY well. He is my number one scummer. HAHAHAH get it?? Anywho, the darling, sickeningly sweet couple that we are went ROLLERSKATING on Sunday and I didn't fall once. I was expecting to have a broken ulna or at least a squashed pinkie, but no...I ruled the rink. Good times, I must say.

Everyone will also be delighted to know that the Haidet/Wolff love train will be rolling into the O to the HIO for Cinema Wasteland this March/April. I expect EVERYONE to make a valliant effort to see us (or at least me) if you know what's good for you. It will be a fun repeat of last year with my screen siren idol, Miss Tura Satana.

Well, that's about it.

Oh the weather ouside is frightful...

...j/k, it's totally not. Tex-ASS is really living up to it's name because everyone here seems to have their head firmly placed up their ass when it comes to driving and weather. It has really made me proud (for once) to be from Ohio, the land of good drivers and never shutting down anything. I hated it then, but now I see the big picture. For god's sake, the Malls were closed. WTF?! Anywho, shit is back up and running again and life will begin as planned starting today, when I have to work. I like working with clothing, but I know damn well that all of my money will go to new shoes and outfits and looking good. I've got a lotta plans to fulfill, especially all of the dancing dates with Lisa. She's gotta see me at my best, not just in my pj's all of the time (like I always am at home).

So despite the weather setbacks, everything is peachy keen here in the land of the Lone Star. School starts Friday and I am soooo excited. Call me a pocket protector wearin' nerd if you will, my cranium lives to learn. Especially about abnormal psych. I have been aching for this class since I took it before (it's what made me want to be a psych. major in the first place). Yes, this will be time numero dos for taking it, but Tri-C doesn't count. I plan to do uber well in all my classes and get straight A's for the duration of my time here at U of T. No more Spanish to throw in gross C+'s. I'll use my espanol knowledge to order food at the over 200 Mexican restaurants here in San Antonio. And I plan to try every one, thank you very much. Mexican food served by hottt mexican ladies. Can't beat that with a bat.

Ezra and I are still doing good. I still get mad at him for doing and saying stupid stuff, but that comes with the territory. That said, it's very difficult to keep our baby makin' activities down, I tend to be a loud lady...but Ben and Lisa keep weird hours, so hopefully we'll be doin' it when they are sleeping and we won't weird them out with our barnyard noises.

As you can tell, I'm in much better spirits and am ready for the weekend of fun that Lisa promised me. I'm going to buy a new dress today for the occasion.

How dry I am...

Blah. I feel like rotting meat in John Wayne's colon. The Fredrick's of Hollywood job sucks to new heights, Ezra just left for a tattoo convention (that I chose not to attend for sheer lack of funds), and I am on the verge of tears for the umpteenth time since I've been here. I KNOW that things will get better, but I'm so lonely. I mostly feel very empty because every time I want to do something that I would usually call up my mother to do with me, oh yeah, I have to do these things by myself. I'm not utterly unhappy with this new life that I've created, nor do I regret moving, it's just that I'm starting over with shithole jobs, an adult diaper load of school (starting next Wednesday), and no friends. Ezra's made a buddy at work, but I'm sitting here on a Saturday night by myself with nothing to do and nowhere to go. The fucked up thing is, if I were in Kent, I wouldn't care if I was by myself. I would be happy. But nooooooo, I've got to be Queen Emo, and feel sorry for myself.

Everything with Ezra is going good, it's just I can't stand all of this time together. I'm a very private person and like to generate space between myself and the significant other. There is no space. At all. I have so much to bitch about, but it all just comes out wrong and I feel like garbage.

I'm going to go cry in my room now.

There's a whole in my heart that can only be filled by you...

Alas...homesickness sets in. I knew it would come to this, but so soon? Not fair. I miss hanging out with people at will, I miss going to places that are not on a LOOP...and I miss feeling confident. The job search did not go as well as I planned it, although I did get a job, I expected more places to call me back, with my stunning past jobby job history. Not so much. Eh, I guess a discount on good clothes makes up for it. I basically feel shitty because I have no self confidence right now. I am obsessing over my looks for now apparent reason other than I have nothing else to do right now. No job, no class, no friends. I am comparing myself to stupid people and unsure about my personality. I have continued to work out while living in San Antonio (walk the dog, do floor exercises) but I feel really gross and uggo. I'm sick of Ezra everyday. I'm sick of having no money coming in. I'm sick of not seeing my friends and I don't want them to forget about me. I hate my clothes and I want a new wardrobe. I am basically being a whiney bitch and I want someone to care.

This post is doing me no good.

Deep in the Ass of Texas!

I made it!! After shipping off a day late (and more than a dollar short) we rolled into San Antone in the wee hours of Friday morning (3am). The drive wasn't as bad as I was predicting that it would be, I even ended up driving for 7 hours straight! Whoda thunk? I'm pretty happy here, despite not really knowing where anything is and not having a jobby job, but that will arrive in due time. My stuff all ended up fitting (ha ha Ezra, shows what you know) and New Years Eve was super fun. Not so much the standard rockabilly joint, but the 80s dancing with Sugar and Lisa really made the night what it was. I'm kind of getting a little lonesome for my girls and my mom...it's hard not to be able to call someone to come over and watch the 7 day America's Next Top Model marathon with me, but Hatchetface will do.

****Sappy Wolff ahead, watch out****

This feels so wonderful to be making this kind of move with Ezra. He still makes my heart swoon, and starting a "new life" with him makes me giddy like a perv on a playground. The man is sexy, talended, hiliarious, and sweet...how did I get so lucky? I thank the stars at night that are big and bright (deep in the heart of Texas...sorry) that I decided to give the goofball a chance, it was by FAR the best decision I have ever made.

Anywhat...I'm gonna continue not getting dressed and watching the marathon as I attempt to work out.

Oh...

...and here's some more pictures of my hair. Did I mention that I fucking love it?

She's sure fine lookin' man, she's somthin' else!

I just had the best/worst day ever. It started with a hole in my power steering area that involved me racing to the gas station, using all my might just to turn the wheel, to grab two bottles of fluid and doin' what my Daddy taught me, which is to get greasy and do it your fucking self! Then I went to the Dentist, which I love, to find out that I have two cavities (my first ones ever). The hygienist told me I have the best oral hygiene that she has ever seen and then the doctor fucker comes in, without even saying hi mind you, and tells me I have two cavities. They are super small, so I get some prescription toothpaste to hopefully eradicate the issue. What the fuck ever.

Then I go out to eat with my mommy and go to my haircut appointment. Now, I haven't gotten a haircut in a little over a year because I HATE every hairdresser I've ever had because they don't LISTEN! So I was teetertottering on whether or not I wanted to cancel, but like the champ that I am, I said FUCK IT, let's do this. And oh was it ever done. I fucking love my hair. Like a lot. It's perfect and just what I wanted. I know, what kind of self-abosorbed vain biatch blogs about her fucking hair? ME, motherfucker, that's who. I was mega excited to show Ezra and he said, and I quote "You look fucking hot". He never says shit like that. Yes, I know he loves me and doesn't need to tell me I look fucking hot everyday, but oh was I squealin' with joy like a pig in shit. I feel wonderous and nothing can stop this Wolff train from tearing up her last few days in Ohio. You have bitch tits if you aren't coming to the party because it will rule. So many people from my past will be there, you'll swear it's an episode of This is Your Life.

OK, not much to pack left, so now I'm going to make my mizzan a pineapple upsidown cake.

Fuck yeah.

Howya like me now?

I must say that not working has made me very productive. So far today (it's 2:25) I have taken Hatchie to see Santa with the bf, made dinner, took the pup for a walk and worked out with the Girls Next Door on Exercise TV. Whew. I dig this. I thought I would be stuck watching TV, but I actually have energy and motivation to do stuff. A gal could get used to this.

Watch out world, Dancin' Wolffie is coming to town. Last night, at Girl Talk, I danced so fucking hard that I have 2 blisters on each toe. My dance card was full and I shook this here money maker like it hadn't been shook in years. I was sweating my tits off and was soaked by the time the show was over. Too bad it was at Oberlin and every spoiled scenester kid was there sporting their perfect quiff and mommy and daddy bought duds. I do wish that was my life, but then again, I would probably suck and not be the sweet ass wit that I am today. Tuesday I will be going to 80s night at Pirates Cove if anyone would care to attend. Remember folks, I have a week off until I leave, so I will go dancing every night if I have to. Or do whatever as long as it doesn't cost too much.

Ugh, Ezra is working like everyday and it sucks to beat the band. I know that we live together, but I thoroughly enjoy spending time with him. Whatever, I've got other fish to fry. So to speak. Not really, I'm kinda bored. And horny. Good thing Ezra only works til 6. I'm getting a haircut on Tuesday and am going to get short bangs again. Who cares? Whatever bye.

Phooey

I am up to my tits in shoes/clothes/books/SHIT. I hate packing at whittling down my lovely stuff into piles of what I need (which, according to Ezr, is like two boxes) and don't need (almost everything).

I hit a new low today, when Ezra was in the shower, I had to shit so bad that I stood near the litterbox and almost went in there. I didn't, and just made Ezra hurry up, but I totally could have. I couldn't hold it (big salad last night) and it was massivly poking out. I hate myself sometimes.

Not working is very time consuming with the television and all. I like it.

I feel lightheaded with stress and the shit I must get done.

It's such a good vibration.

Marky Mark and the Funkybunch are very underrated. Just that one hit, I mean...

Anywhat...I may be losing my mind. I all of a sudden remembered a time when my best ex boyfriend, Casper, and I were at our friend Leslie's house on West Blvd., and were on acid. We did this quite often, eat acid, almost everyday for an entire summer (not to mention most of our relationship). We loved walking around Edgewater park wasted and watching the sunset on the city of Cleveland, which I liked then. Well one day, we fed her dog a jar of peanut butter while she was sleeping, and were both awestruck on how completely awesome this looked. So I remembered that time and fed Hatchetface some PB. It's not the same. A dog eating PB on acid is probably the best thing ever. Right next to doing acid with your best friend in the entire world and feeling a connection. Alas, my days of acid eating are LONG gone, I've wigged out 1 too many times and am an old lady now. I don't know why I'm thinking of this other than to say that I MISS CASPER. He moved to NYC and although we shared a relatively short relationship (6 months) it is going on a 10 year friendship that is one of the best I've ever had. I still talk to him every once in a while, and see him when he comes home. But I love him and will never have a friendship like his again.

Well, I found out that I got two A's in two classes and the rest are up for discussion. This semester has been one of the most difficult one's that I have had to endure and am utterly glad that it is almost done.

One thing I've realized this year is that it is very unnecessary to freak out when bad things happen. One should just "roll with the punches" so to speak and chalk everything up to experience. This may be the end of the proverbial "Wolff freak out". Life goes on and as long as you have good people around you, everything is copasetic. I love that word.

This moving thing has really brought me to reflect on my 26 years and what I have learned. A whole lot actually. I've also figured out that I am really in love and that is the one thing that is mega-scary. How do you keep a relationship going that you are genuinely happy in? Anyone...Bueller? I can only do what I do best, and that is to be who I am. The gross girl that made Ezra obsessed with me in the first place. It also freaks me out that we never, truely fight. Does that mean that we are passionless?? I don't believe so. I believe that enforces our proverbial bond and it really makes life more simple. I've also learned that friendships grow more complicated. It's not as easy as it used to be. Especially with girls. I haven't figured out why that is, but I'm sure I will.

Wow...aren't I contemplative? A little too much for a Thursday afternoon, I suppose...

I heart Luda.

I am so done with work it's not even funny. The Mustard Seed is a flushed turd. And for my final closing announcement to get the custies out of the store I said "FUCK OFF". HAHAHAHAHa. It's really done. The day I've been dreaming of for 7 years is finally part of my past. Word 'em up. Now I have two weeks today to spend in Ohio. If anyone wants to make out with me or tell me off or fight me, do it now or forever hold your bladder.

I had the best tattoo idea and none of yuns will believe the lengths ofhillarity that this super fan is going to. Oh you'll dig the fuck out of it.

AHHHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm moving. In with Lisa who seems to be the ying to my yang. I'm going to try to work at the porn store.

Now I've gotta get this dye out of my locks so adios bitches!

Wee Willy Wolffy

Ezra's home!! Yepper, he came rollin' in on Tuesday night, but it wasn't a surprise, for I could smell him coming a mile away. That boy's stench made my eyes water. Usually, I don't mind a little man stank, but this was pushing even MY filthy limits. I forgave the vileness, smothering him with hugs and kisses and cuddles. He even stole me a lawn pink flamingo from a putt-putt course. Le sigh. We went straight to bed and he arose with me early, ignoring the permeating foulness emanating from his body, and did the deed like it hadn't been done in a week. Nice.

Well, now I appear to be snowed in. So I did what any other red blooded weirdo would do and started burning candles (I'm trying to use them up so I don't have so many). I'm also really bored. I've packed most of my DVDs up and there is nothing on the telly. I will go to the gym later, but I wanna watch TV. Now. Blah.

I have two days of work left and nothing has ever felt so good. I get to be my regular sarcastic, nasty self to these idiot customers and let them know that yes, their question is stupid and no, I don't know a good regimen for a colon cleanse. Lick my taint. I don't have to learn the stupid new produce procedures or push gift certificates that no one wants. Fuck you Seed. I never loved you.

Well, I'm going to go occupy myself with, oh I don't know, STUDYING. That's a novel idea. Spanish seems so trivial now that I know I'll never have to take it again. EVER.

All I've been doing is reading. Augusten Burroughs, David Sedaris, and Francesca Lia Block are invading my cranium and I love it. Someone start a book club with me. Ahem, Lisa.

MMMM-Bop

I fucking hate people that are so fucking self absorbed especially on Myspace and their own damn dumb blogs. No one cares about the drama that ensues only after you yourself start it and expect people to give you a damn and their precious attention. It's not reality and you are not in my reality so fuck off. This does not pertain to Amy.


With that said, WILL EZRA PLEASE COME HOME NOW? This is really getting ridiculous. I wanna do it and I wanna cuddle and I wanna talk about my new home and the closet space. I don't want to go to school today because it snowed and I just wanna make the house clean for my baby. I am feeling very bratty today and predict that I will feel this way all day. So I will make potato chedder soup and clean the house and watch Fashion File on the DVR. Jesus Christ on a Crotchrocket do I miss my boyfriend.

Fuck Spanish, fuck idiots, fuck snow and fuck the fuck out of Christmas. Come visit me someone. Or rather, don't cuz I'm feeling ripe (from not showering) and rude (from lack of sex). Finals week can not come soon enough.

I need to hear live music and dance the night away.

Save me from myself on this dreary day of December.

Disaster is my middle name.

So this week has been tumultuous at best and disheartening at worst. What am I saying it's not all that bad. See, right now I'm sitting at the computer with a chocolate mask on my face that the supplement lady gave me. I look like a dirty hobo or a man with black face. It's amusing. I can almost guarantee that when I wash it off the sink water will look like diarrhea. Which will also be something to see. This is what my life has come to I suppose. That's what happens when your boyfriend and good girlfriend skip town. My birthday was bittersweet because it involved everyone showing some love for me, but my moosh left for the first dump of our stuff to Texas. It's all happening. I also found out that I don't have to take Spanish anymore and that I will be graduating in approx. one year. Yes, there will be more school after that, but I will have two degrees under my panties and one more to go until I can have a career. What this means is that it feels good. Like Tony Toni Tone said. Ya get me?

I also got to spend mucho time alone with myself and my puppy and that was also wonderful. I watched two seasons of the L Word and now I want to have a girlfriend again. I've told Ezra from the get go that he is my last man relationship and if it doesn't work, I'm going back to the puss. No offense to the men, but the girls are way hotter. Crazier, but hotter. I cleaned my room, went through more of my clothes and exercised. Nice and relaxing. But I miss my Ezra. It's not the same without him and it feels like a family when we are together. Blah. Sappiness is not a good side of me.

Shopping with my ma was wonderful and I got three HUGE bags of clothes. I am really excited about this leopard print tight dress I got for our going away party. I am going all retro and will be all hot. I gotta go out with a bang ya'll!

On a darker note, I got in another fight with Amy. Same shit and I'm done as fuck. I am not dealing with bullshit from anyone. I will find new friends and friends that won't fuck me over. Life is too short to spend time worrying about someone who doesn't give a shit about me. I have less than a month left to spend here and don't want to waste it.

I have also figured out what I good friend I have in Karen. We have gotten very close and I love her to death. She is honest and upfront and very fun. I am sad to be leaving her.

I've decided that I want to work at a porn shop in Texas. Or a clothing store. Either will work.

Greg has been dead for one year tomorrow. I loved him and I probably always will. I will never get over this hurdle in my life. He made me feel beautiful and smart and stole all of my money. He built me up in a way that I will never ever be built up again and he was a lying drug addicted fool. Life is dichotomous and I hate it. Everything is full of two extremes and nothing can ever, EVER be perfect. That's why I'm happy with Ezra. He isn't the sweetest boyfriend and can sometimes be insensitive, but he is stable and there for me. I love him with all my heart and will do anything to keep us working. I want to be with him for a very long time. And the sex is great.

My brain and heart are in knots. I wish things were different but they are not. I wish to death that Amy loved me like I love her and I wish that she was the way she used to be. I wish that our friendship wasn't ending the way that it is.

Well, it's bedtime. I hope sleep comes easy for me. Without Ezra, it's hard to sleep.