Shake Dat Ass Bitch!

I'm pretty doggone happy right about now. This is new for me. I haven't been truly happy in approx. 1 year. Thanks San Antonio! Things are most definitely looking more lovely as time progresses. Here are some new things to look forward to in the life of little Terry Liz:


1) Ryan Holman comes to visit tomorrow. Yes, he and Ezra are the most annoying people alive, but I will take any human contact right about now. Ezra and I need this.

2) We got a house in Austin! It is a 3 bedroom on the East side of Austin right across from a brand new public library! My life has most certainly come full circle. I grew up living across the street from a public library and that simple thing has molded me into the bookworm, nerd I am today. I used to spend hours there, perusing the shelves reading books about the Elephant Man and Harry Houdini. Everything I loved when I was 8 I still love. I can also walk to school from this house. Another lifelong dream fulfilled.

3) I will be entering nursing school in the fall if everything goes well. This means more to me than anything in the whole universe.

4) I will be traveling to the City of Brotherly Hate in less than a month to visit my dearest, bestest, prettiest friend in the world. I will be whole again once I am in the company of Angie and we are stoned, eating, farting, and shopping. Dancing too. That is the best thing ever.

I hope none of these dreams plummet to their death in the next month or so. If they do, trust me, you'll know.

MOOSH!

FTW

I am so sick of my life I want to scream. IfuckinghateSanAntonio more than anyone could ever hate anything ever. I am so miserable. Does anyone know what it's like to not have any friends for almost a year??? It fucking sucks. When I go shopping, it's alone, when I watch stupid girl shows, it's alone. When I go to eat, it's alone. I can't stand this shit anymore. I feel like crying all day today. I had a wonderful birthday, got a 96 on my Anatomy and Physiology final, a 100 on my government final, and a 100 on a Chemistry quiz, but none of that seems to matter to me. I miss my mother, I miss my friends, I miss my cousin...dare I say, I miss OHIO. Texas is not all it's cracked up to be. Was it ever cracked up in the first place? What does that even mean??? UGH. I AM SO SICK OF THIS SHIT. I'm really losing it. Like right now. I just yelled at Ezra for seriously no reason at all. He left mad, I'm alone with absolutely NOTHING to do for the entire day. I don't want to go shopping, I want to hang out with somebody that actually gets me. If I didn't have anything to to in the morning, I would just go to Austin right now and fucking, I don't even know...JUST GET OUT OF HEREEREREEjklfoakls.


Greg died 2 years ago yesterday.

I'm getting old as fuck.

I smell because I haven't showered in 3 days.

My back and arms hurt from working out.

I just want to cry my eyes out.

I need a valium.

My dog keeps farting.

I don't know what to do with myself.

There is nothing on TV. No movies to watch. Not hungry.

WHAHDHHAHHAHHHAHAHAHA.

Kill me.

Crapsgiving!

I hope everyone had a vondervul holiday weekend. Mine was uneventful. That is a very good thing. Wednesday was relatively busy at work and I awoke Thursday with excitement and slobbering with anticipation of the feasting Ben and I were about to partake in. We had reservations at Green for their vegetarian Thanksgiving buffet! Here is a picture in all it's gluttonous glory.
The meal was the usual sides and faux meat. It was fabulous though. The yams were scrumptious and everything was perfectly seasoned. I didn't even need any salt! That, my friends, is a Thanksgiving miracle in and of itself. Ben couldn't wait to dive in, as you can see in Exhibit A.

Seriously, it rocked my vegan socks.

It was Ezra's first year cooking a turkey and he did very well. Despite a little bit of tomfoolery.

After we ate, we relaxed, watched the new Futurama movie (sooooo good), watched Mean Girls, and did absolutely nothing but be fat lazy pigs. Life was grand.

I don't have much else to report on except that I went to Steve and Barry's to buy the dress from the latest Project Runway for the Sarah Jessica Parker line. It was adorable and only 19.98! I would put a picture up, but I can't find a good one. I also got like 2 bags of stuff for 100$.

Dat's about it...finals week is almost here and then, perhaps, I will have a life again.

Aye Bay Bay

I am somewhere between a nervous breakdown and a not give a fuck meltdown. Figuring out my future is the most difficult thing that has plagued me since 1999. Nothing works to my advantage when it comes to school. NOTHING. I can never just do something smoothly, it always has to suck. I have to get a Hepatitis B shot to get into nursing school and I can't find a fucking place that will do it that is not in the most ghetto of ghettos. Austin Community College has a more difficult entrance process than fucking Harvard. I am getting A's and would be welcomed with open arms to any nursing program if I could just finish my prereqs. FUCKING BULLSHIT.

Whew. On a darker note, I really had a good weekend. I didn't have too much studying to do, so I was able to catch up on Gossip Girl (my substitute for the O.C.), Intervention, and the Roseanne season 9 DVD that just came out. I really love losing myself in a t.v. series that helps me not think about juxtamedullary nephrons and bicarbonate ions. I also really love my boyfriend and the fact that everything is still, STILL going really smoothly after 2 1/2 years. He is like creamy peanut butter and I can't fathom how anyone in the world could ever fight with Ezra. His personality and demeanor are just too easy and goofy.

I still hate Texas, but the countdown to Austin is on and hopefully things will get better. I really can't complain that it is still 80 degrees and sunny here. That makes things a wee bit easier.

Well, that's really all that's going on right now. Patrick Swazye Christmas should be a good time.

Ugh.

Baby, You Make Me Better

Ugh. School sucks. It sucks harder than a whore sucking a golf ball through a garden hose. The good news is that I'm still doing fairly well considering all the procrastinating that I do. AND all of the Halloween specials I have been DVRing (don't watch the Loretta Lynn ghost special, it blows). For work Halloween party I am going to be sexy Freddy Krueger. How fucking stupid is that??? I can't very well be something I would normally be because then I would make no money. So of all the "sexy" costumes, I feel sexy Freddy is the most appropriate for me. Eh, whatever.

Nothing much else has been happening. The wedding/reception was amazing. I got to see Karen BOTH nights I was home. Ezra, Ryan and I also slipped out early to go see Slim Cessna, which was rad. We also decided that the lead singer looks like the creepy priest dude from Poltergeist 2. AND speaking of Poltergeist, Zelda Rubinstein is going to be in Austin along with TEEN WITCH herself for the opening of the new Alamo Drafthouse. ANDDDDD it is the same weekend as Murder City Devils, so I will be having an amazing weekend doing things that you could be doing if any of you ever came to visit us.

That is all, I'm going to balance some equations for Chemistry. Don't ask me what that means.

Wet Panties.

How can someone get so excited about dressing up? Well, the secrets out people, I have no life. I am so brimming with excitement that my seems may burst soon. And no one wants to be around when a vegan's guts spew out. Too many veggies and not enough rotting meat colon. I am truly excited to be donning a fabulous Marc by Marc Jacobs dress to the wedding. I am honestly in love with my new haircut. I am very anxious about getting fingerwaves put in for the wedding. Ohio = H&M, Gabriel Bros., thrifting, and dancing.

Here is the number one, numero uno, best thing ever, seriously OHMYGOD! thing that is in my scope right about now....



MINK STOLE WILL BE AT CINEMA WASTELAND IN APRIL.

What the fuck. I can't even put an exclamation point on that statement because it is so fabulous. I can't even wrap my mind around the idea of meeting her. Praise Jebus.

Here are some other things that keep my undies in a twist...
1) New America's Next Top Model- Asburgers...hilarious!

2) New season of I Love New York.

3) New Project Runway.

4) My Halloween costume. It's a secret!

5) 30 Days of Night. It actually looks good.


Ok that's enough before I hemorrhage.

I got a new digital camera, so new piccies soon!!

Go Gettter.

Ugh. I feel so full. I just made cheezy potato soup and It is sooo good. I should take a picture of my fat belly. Now I have to wait like an hour to go work out or I'll have cramps. This week Ezra is in Ohio to tattoo people before I get there on Friday. I hate/love when Ezra is gone. Hate it because he is the best buddy a girl could ask for and always makes me giggle. I also like the sex. Love it because I get the whole bed to myself and don't have to worry about him bugging me when I'm studying. I hate it more though. Well just a couple more days and we will be reunited in Ohio. When I get in I look foreword to shopping with my mom, seeing Carol perform her uno-woman band and then going dancing with Karen and the other girls at Bounce! Then I get to get up and get beautified for Corey and Laura's wedding. The fun ends there though, we have to get up mega early for driving home. I am excited for a road trip with Ezra and Andy though. We plan on stopping in Kentucky to say hi to John and Kate, then hauling ass to Waxahatchie, Texas to pay a visit to the Munster House.

http://www.munstermansion.com/main.html

It rules.

Anywho, I have four days off after a very stressful week and I plan on eating and watching as many horror movies as I can. So far I've watched:

A show on Cryptozoology- Not technically a horror movie, but who doesn't love the Jersey Devil?

Documentaries on The Wolf Man, The Invisible Man, and The Mummy. They are on the collectors editions of the movies. They were done by David Skal who writes books about horror movies. His books rock and I highly recommend them.

Pumpkinhead- Sooo cheesy. So very early 90s/late 80s

The Grudge 2- It was on so I watched it even though I hated the original (not Japanese) one. Horrible and couldn't hold my attention

The Blob- 88 version. It was on TV!! As always, campy and amazing.

Who knows what else I'll do today. The day is mine for the taking!!!

Fungus Amugus.

I have a bum toe. While intoxicated Saturday night, Ezra tried to show me some of his "moves" from the martial arts he takes and proceeded to bend my third toenail all the way back. It is literally at a 90 degree angle. I was extremely babalooey, as my manager says (it means drunk) and locked myself in the bathroom and cried while Ezra was on the other side begging for my forgiveness. I wasn't even mad, I'm used to love inflicted pain, just really sloppy. Since we have begun dating, Ezra has succeeded in giving me a partial concussion by making me fall backwards on concrete, poked me in the eye with a pencil, and now broke my toenail, making it impossible to get a pedicure. Thanks dude, I love you too. He doesn't mean to do it, he is just a little rough and I'm a lot klutzy. Whateves. That's really all that's new in my life. I'm just waiting for the Halloween mayhem to commence. Today is Oct. 1st after all.

To celebrate, hereeeee's Hatchie!
She's adorable, I know this. I'm obsessed with her.

In other news, I have been buying WAY too much stuff lately. New Marc Jacobs perfume, Daisy, and it smells sooo freaking good. A new digital camera since I was using Ezra's ancient one, a gaggle of reads from amazon, and some shit from urban outfitters. I'm a bad, bad buyer. I love buying things. I love Marc Jacobs. I love reads, I love Urbo. I have had too much coffee. I am losing my mind from studying. I had a Chemistry test today and I'm nervous about it. I don't feel confident. Because of that (isn't it wrong to start a sentence with because?) I may buy some more things today. I need to focus.

Argh. Back to hitting the books. I have a lab and lecture test on thursday and life sucks. I need a massage.

Titties and Tunafish

Jesus Christe, I am the fucking WORST at blogging. I am so unbearably busy (and busty) right now I have no time to scratch my ass, not to mention writing my thoughts and feelings down in this thang-a-maggier. Fuckin-A yo. But, alas, here I am, feeling guilty about taking a break from my studies of the cardiovascular system to let my peeps know the D.L. up in my peace. For those of you not schooled in the fine art of "hood", that means letting my acquaintances understand the issues and happenings in my head and life.

Fist of all (ha ha, that was an accident), school is beyond hard. Beyond interesting (did you know that the spleen is the red blood cell graveyard?!), but nevertheless difficult. Be that as it may, I am ruling school. Well, we are ruling each other, we are both each other's bitches, but it's a give and take relationship. School takes all of my spare time and gives me A's. I take information into my gray matter and give it all of my money. Hmmm, let me take a better look at this. I think I've been getting ripped off hardcore.

The trip to Ohio was a mediocre success. I will state that being away from my mother is leading me to a slow death. Ever since her minor heart attack, I get waves of panic from time to time regarding her mortality and my not being able to handle it if anything ever happened to her. It's bizarre considering I am, perhaps, the most morbid person alive, knowing perfectly well that life ends for us all, but it is trey difficile to relate that to the person that knows me and accepts me and HELPS me through every issue that I come in contact with, is a human being. The woman is amazing, and knowing that all of my adolescent bullshit that I put her thru probably led to this coronary blockage, makes me feel like a dope x3. Damn you raves!!! All in all Ohio let me be with my Ma continually and buy a boatload of clothes from stores I miss like whoa.

Well ghouls, the much anticipated Halloween season is upon us once again. It fo sho feels bizarre because it's still well over the 90 degree mark here in Tejas. But I did make sure that they still have pumpkins and the like in Mexicalli central. I have let Ezra know that we will, in a repeat performance of last year, be watching ONLY scary movies in October, going to FrightFest at Six Flags, going on a haunted ghost tour of the Alamo and decorating the house in Kent fashion. We will also be going to Austin on Halloween to see Jay Reatard and Quintron and Miss Pussycat put on a special Halloween puppet show. What could be better than puppets and reatards on Halloween, I ask you? NOTHING.

Andy arrived here and made everything soooo good. He will be departing for our new home shortly, but it's nice to have some fresh blood around this stale joint. It feels good showing him around town and letting him know exactly how shitty everything is in this wretched palace we've called "home" for the last 9 months. Spreading misery always cheers this gal up!



Well lads and lasses, I better be off. I've got to hit the gym, then settle in for a loooooooong evening of studying and making flashcards. I have crowned myself the Queen of Anatomy and Physiology and I've got to maintain my crown!

moosh.

Yikes.

I'm sorry for being such a suck-ass hater as of late. Seriously, I feel better. I got my schooling straightened out, started smoking pot with Ezra so I can fall asleep without lying awake and worrying about everything, got so sweet shit planned for the rest of August. All in all, things are looking up. I just today found out that there is a funeral museum in Houston that I will be attending soon. I've also decided that I will double major in mortuary science and nursing, which of course, sets me back another year or so to graduate, but I'm already on the 10 year plan so fuck it! I totally want to work with dead people and am pretty positive that double majoring in those two things do not work together at all, but as we say "fuck it"! I'm in a good mood, so don't chocolate rain on my parade please.

The Simpsons move probably brought me out of my vast depression. It was everything I always wanted it to be and more! A throwback to old school and it made me realize how much I do love the Simpsons (despite some yawn-filled story lines as of late), and made me appreciate the longstanding popularity of a fab show. It ruled.

I am also planning a trip to San Francisco with my bestest buddy in the world. That in and of itself is reason to get myself out of this ennui that has been plaguing me. Faggots and nature and vegan restaurants all come together to form the magical city of gay love. I've been there before, but she hasn't, and I know we will have the best time imaginable.

Thank heavens I'm feeling back to my old self again. It couldn't have come at a better time either. School is almost done, Ohio is within my grasp, and Neko Case is 4 days away!!! Whoo hoo!

Ezra and I's two year anniversary is creeping up on me again also. But yet again, I forgot the date. He knows, making the whole situation worse. Not that he or I actually care about that sort of jazz, but it's the fact that I forgot when it is that he holds over my noggin. Well, I'll just get him a good present so that he forgets about my stupidity.

Shit dude.

God, I'm so bad at this. I haven't blogged in like 2 months. Oops. Whatever, I really have nothing to say. All I know is that I am soo glad to be heading back to "The Heart of it All" in a month. I never thought I'd say that, but San Antonio sucks so bad, I can't even begin to describe it. I honestly hate the fuck out of this city and can't wait to move on to Austin. Uh, where there is actually stuff to do. My nerves are shot and I'm snappy and depress-o and cranky all the time. I never get this way, EVER, but I am now. Seriously all I do is work out and work and learn and watch Roseanne reruns. Fuck depression. That's all I gotta say. Maybe I'll feel like writing more when this fog lifts. All I can say is thank you Hey-zeus for Ezra and Hatchie. Lifesavers, I tell ya.

I Really Hate Everyone.

As I eat this cherry turnover and peruse the ever-annoying "Myspace", I've become quite annoyed. Why do sooo many people on Le Space hate each other one minute and post cute little comments on each other's pages the next? Now, I got on this website to find some people that I knew were on here with no intention of sticking around. Then I got into it and am stuck in like a hole filled with tar. That's all myspace is, a gaping, black, sticky hole. But one thing I DO NOT do is get into verbal comment, sarcasm wars and post caustic little comments on other people's pages that they know the person they are writing about will see. AND to top it all off, I see these people befriend the cretins that post uncouth comments about them in the first place! Then they both act all ass-kissy toward each other and it makes me want to heave black tar vom all over myspace and these people. Fucking get some balls! Don't let people talk shit about you and then fawn all over them the next. It's fucking abominable. Especially people who are manipulative and contriving. Although, yes I do not know the whole story of some of these instances, I can pretty much make an intelligent deduction about what the case may be. It's so frustrating. I really do hate myspace...it makes it like high school all over again. Too bad I am too ostentatious to ever remove my profile.

On a darker note...Ezra has one of his notorious stomach aches, and this one is baaad. Bad like M.J. when he danced around in that parking garage with Eddie Murphy, bad. I think he was poisened by Wendy's. All I can infer is that fast food= stomach problems. Especially fast food with MAYO that was probably old. That's why people should stick with my diet. The only time I feel like shit is when I accidentily eat something with a yucky ingredient in it.

My shopping/Morrissey excursion is on Saturday and I'm bringing 500 dollars to blow on clothes. My closet has been so deprived as of late, it is coughing and crying out for more, more, more. Just like my boy Bill-dog Idol. I have been dying for an Urban Outfitters fix and the vintage stores aren't too shabby either. Whoo Hooo...shopping by myself, then crying alone. The perfect end to a perfect day.

I'm off to go pound the pavement of San Antonio...have a loverly day!

Dookie Booty

My arms hurt. My legs hurt. My booty hurts. Working out is hard to do. Yesterday I did the Girls Next Door workout and it was ruff. Them gals do a lot to keep hot for that 80 yr. old fella. I still managed to take the dog for a 40 minute walk today. If I plan on going to beaches and shit this summer, I gotta get right, get it tight. I be up in the living room just workin' on my fitness.

Things are looking up, music wise. I just got Neko tickets for Lisa and I in Austin in August. Whoo hoo! And this Saturday is my mopefest with Morrissey. Not too shabby, I'd say.

Yesterday while getting my monthly brazillian wax, I got drunk! I found this really nice salon where they give you alcohol while they perform your services! No extra charge. So while my jungle was getting excavated, I drank the trashiest wine out there, White Zin! 2 glasses! I was meeting Ezra afterwards for lunch and I came in the place all red faced and giggly, he totally knew right away that I was on the tipsy train. The gal also waxed my eyebrows and my 'stach, which both needed it so bad. I was hairy all over. I guess hairy eyebrows are better than overplucked eyebrows anyday.

Work is still good. Mexicans are still pigs. All is well with Ezra and I. Hatchie is still adorable. I am still attempting to make myself the trashiest gal in all of Texas. Nothing to comment on.


BYE LOVERS!

Blood Queef.

I can't remember Ezra and I's anniversery. Whoops. I know approx. when it is, but not the exact date. This erks Ezra to no end, certifying my place as the girl who pays no attention to most things. I know that this fact bothers him, he, for some unknown reason, thinks that he is more invested in this relationship than I. SOOOO not even true. I just don't really remember exact dates or listen when he talks to me. Oh well. I know it's mid-August. The point of this whole ramble is that I can't even believe we have been together for almost 2 years. I was lamenting on this fact when I tried to figure out the date, to no avail. Oy vey. Now he won't tell me what it really is. And now I'm done talking about this.

On a much, MUCH darker note...I'm going to see Morissey alone. How fitting, since I will be in tears the whole time and no one wants to see that. I've wanted to see the man for eons, so when the chance came, I pounced. Albeit alone, but eh, what can you do. Misery loves company. At least I will be able to go shopping before the show.

Fudge and Lemonade is coming along slowwwwwly but surely. End of June will be the first episode.

I'm tired and a little stuffy.

Do you even care?

UGH. I am crabby. Even my crabs are crabby. Why am I crabby, you ask? Well, mis amigos, I don't even know. Probably because I'm bored all the time and just want to go to shows. I am going to a few this summer...

June 18th- Yo Majesty in Austin. A lesbian black girl trio rap/crunk group. Can't get any better.

July 28th- Unknown Hinson with Danny B. Harvey.

Aug. 18th- The Stray Cats in San Antonio.

Plus some random ones that I can't really remember. That is so not satisfying, writing those sad three shows. WAHHHH.

On a lighter note, my mom is coming to visit me on June 4th. That will be fun.

OH GOD I'M DYING. PLEASE COME VISIT ME.

.............................................................

Hi There, How Are Things?

I hate finals. It's the worst week ever. Texas Politics is by FAR and AWAY the worst class I have had the displeasure to read magazines through. Blather and Bother. Eh, one left and then I am FREEEEE for the entire summer. Rock 'n Roll and beaches (not the Bette Midler kind) here I come!

Anydoodle, besides the aforementioned issue, life is going as dandy as candy. I got drunk off beer (well tipsy) for the first time in my existence. Dos XX is my poison of choice and it goes down like wata with that damn salt. Fucking shit do I love salt. Shorty lemme tell ya 'bout my only vice, it has to do with lots of sodium and it ain't nuthin' nice. We will be filming the first bit of Fudge and Lemonade this weekend. Ezra and I got drunk and brainstormed for ideas, so be prepared. Although you won't see it until mid to late June. It takes a long time to make a half hour show.

People I work with are actually noticing that I am losing weight! It is really nice to see that all of this sweating I'm doing is actually paying off. Ezra is pouting about it, but I don't care...I am more confident which means more walking around in the buff, subsequently leading to more hanky panky. And that is good for all! Except maybe Lisa who has to try to block all of our barnyard noises out. Hatchie's herpes are clearing up too! Turns out it was only folliculitis and a pill cures all her woes. The trio is unstoppable once again!

I still really miss everyone and am ever so lonely. Lisa and I fill our voids with shopping (I'm learning her well), but there is nothing to do. I wish people would come visit us (shameless guilt trip). That would make everything sooo much better.

Ezra and I are doing really well. It's weird b/c we started off our relationship without that weird (as Neko would say) "Teenage Feeling" that I usually think is so important. It turns out that as our relationship progresses, I find that feeling readily available to me and I get those butterflies and shivers quite often. Sometimes I drive home from work listening to Otis Redding and just can't wait to see him. It truly is bizarre and wonderful and scary at the same time. But other times I want to pull his eyeballs out and fry them in a pan. Not for long though. Seriously how could someone stay pissed at that face.

Well enough rambling...I'm going to go study and run and sleep. Call me and come visit. PLEASE.

Oooh Baby I Like it RAW!

Yo Yo Yo Yo!

Jack shit going on here PER USUAL. The high point of my life is that I made 1000 in tips last week. I worked my caboose off though, my dogs were howling. So I just went Internet shopping and got some cute stuff. Wish I could go REAL shopping though, hrumph.

I am doing my bestest to plan some fun stuff for Ezra and I to do. This includes many trips to Austin, including one to see a lesbian rap trio (!) and H.G. Lewis (!!!). That is why I don't know why people are making such a big hype about Grindhouse. So many people did it before those two and did it soo much better. Check out Mexploitation films, Lewis, Andy Milligan, and many many more to see how it was really done on a 500 dollar budget. I mean, I appreciate the film, don't get me wrong, it's better than some of the crap that gets put out...but give props where props are due. People are acting as if it's so innovative and jazz, it's not. I guess I'm just a connoisseur of crap movies. I'm a John Waters follower and basically love every name that he throws out. Tarintino is not one of them.

Anywhoodle, back to my summer plans. South Padre Island is a mere 2 hours away from us and I need a beach getaway. Call me what you will, the beach is what relaxes me most. Although I am a religous SPF wearer, nothing makes Wolffie smile like some sun, sand, and surf. SO we will be having a weekend trip there. Vegas at the end of the summer with Lisa will give me a chance to catch up on my 60s girl groups and I'll have to polish off my go-go boots. California maybe too, to get my Divine portriat done by this amazing color portriat guy. Granted, it may cost me 700 dollars, but it will be sooo worth it. And I'll get to see Ace!

We are still super lonely and friendless, but I hope to change that over the summer. Ezra and I have vowed to go out once a week to try to find cool people in this HUGE town. I miss live music and want to try to get out more to see stuff.

Well, I'm off to try to find something to do tonight. Wish me luck!!!

She's a Good Girl, Crazy 'Bout Elvis

Ugh. Work, no matter what form it comes in is debilitating. That's why they call it work. I'm still pulling in about 700 a week, so that makes up for the aching feet and dirty feeling from being oogled by mexicans all day. And I'm losing weight! I lost about 7 lbs and Ezra even noticed because he couldn't bite my belly chub as easily as he previously could. I guess that's a compliment in Ezra land. Running, hellish as it may be, is really the trick. The other bad thing about tending is that I don't have a weekend. Ezra and I both have Sunday and Monday off together so that is our weekend. We bought Six Flags passes and are going to go all the time. We love them 'coasters!

In other important news, we are starting a cable access show. Ezra and I. That is all I am able to tell you. Look for updates and an appearance via YouTube. You are going to have to squeegee my vagina I am so excited about it! I will leak this secret...it's called "FUDGE AND LEMONADE". Bow down to our genius. Oh yes...it will be gross.

The bad thing about having no friends and no life is nothing to blog about. It would be different if Ezra and I actually had some turmoil or arguments, but alas...I am in a state of ennui at all times. Work...School...dog...sex...shopping with Lisa. I wish I had some gals to go crusin' with in my new car. Oh well. I'm going running.

Happy Zombie Jesus Day!

Not really...I could give two fucks. I'd usually be at my mom's eating a ton of great food, but I'm here in S.A. alone (not counting Hatchetface), drinking coffee and eating stale bagels because there is no other food in the house. And I can't even go anywhere because every god foresaken thing in this town is clizzosed. Walmart may be open and I will be going there later if it is. Other than that I just woke up. I didn't have too good a weekend at work...I only made 100 yesterday and 140 Friday. Thursday I made like 280 so it equals out. After all I am in a town full of Mexicans and it is a holy weekend. Skeezy dudes gotta see their moms sometimes too. Alas, I turn to blogging. It's weird to me how all these technology terms can turn into verbs. Is this even proper english? Texting? Blogging? Myspacing?

So I start a new workout program tomarrow. I signed up on a website that will give you nutritional advice and workout advice. I don't really have a goal...it's just I'm getting older and I don't want to get softer. I've already been running 3x a week...but I need more guidence and support. I hope it works out, despite Ezra's protesting that he likes me as I am. He likes my boobs just as they are he means.

Speaking of Ezra, I miss him like crazy. He's coming home tonight and I couldn't be happier. I always wish I could be alone for a couple of days, but after this week, I retract that statement. To add to the equation, I am super duper horny. Like I wanna fuck bad. So tomarrow and for the next week if you can't get ahold of me, I'm probably fucking Ezra's brains out. Sorry to gross you out.

Today my plan is to watch movies, then watch movies, then workout, then go to Walmart, then watch movies, then masturbate, then go to sleep. It sounds like a good plan to me. Well, I'm off to put that plan into action, wish me luck.

Take me to another place.

It is so hard for me to find time to blog. Between school 5 days a week and working at a bar 4 days a week and having a boyfriend and a dog to pay attention to...blogging is just a nonexistent past time left to be squeezed in like Divine into a girdle. But...while Ezra is out of town, I've found a few moments...so...

The Ohio trip was a blazing success. Although not sleeping the entire drive up there (24 hours) and barely sleeping a wink the whole time I was there, I made it through! The drive was long and I felt like a cranked out trucker from lack of sleep and too much coffee. The high point was that Ezra and I did not bicker or fight or snap at each other the whole time. Not that we do usually, but you'd think that a 24 hour drive with no sleep might take it to our limit...yet our love prevailed and we made it to my parents house unscathed by the trip. Friday I went shoppy with my ma and went up to the convention to hang out with John and Kate. Then drove back to my parents house where we crashed like Jayne Mansfield's car...minus the decapitation. Saturday was nothing short of amazing. I couldn't script a better day if John Waters was writing it. Well, that may be a fib, but I digress. The evening started off with a 350 dollar trip to Buca di Beppo in the Pope room. That place is utterly kitschy and I wish my house looked like that. A gal can dream. Then the alcohol started flowing and Karen, Amy, and I proceeded to wreck havoc on every living being in the joint. Everyone I could have wanted to be there was and it was amazing. My highlight was eating spaghetti with Karen with no utensils and no hands...A Christmas Story style. I love drinking with those girls and everything was wondrous. Fan-fucking-tabulous. Sunday brought Ezra's family and Neko Case. I cried during Neko and it was everything I ever hoped it would be. I found Alecia and Danine right away and it definitely made a difference. The show was a lifetime highlight and it rocked my socks.

Monday at 6 am I flew home to Hatchie and loved her all day while relaxing and watching Freaks and Geeks.

The trip was definitely bittersweet because it made me realize how badly I miss my friends. It's really hard making new friends in a place when you have no time to do anything and it really weighs heavy on my heart. I don't want to move back to Ohio...the weather sucks, but San Antonio is taking some getting used to. My school sucks and although I have a rocking job, Ezra doesn't really like his. It's hard to make a decision on where we want to go next and when and money and sigh. It bothers me and when I get bothered, I shut myself off. I do that to Ezra a lot, just not talk to him for a couple hours...sometimes I just want to be left alone to relax and reflect. It hurts him sometimes when I do that, but it's what I do. Always have, always will. Oh well, whatever. I'm hungry...

I'm Thinkin' Triple X!

Whoa nelly. I had the best week ever last week. For your reading pleasure, I will recap it in all it's splender with much detail. I picked Angie up at the airport last saturday and proceeded to get the 24 hour flu, which kind of busted our night. Then on Sunday, we did a little shopping and went to a bar and took pictures of ourselves with Hitler moustaches. Monday happened to be the best night of the week because Ben, Lisa, Ezra, Ang, and I went to swing night at Sam's Burger Joint where they had this amazing drink called "Drop and Gimmie", that I slugged down 4 of. We danced the night away, by ourselves, per usual, and went to the Mix. No one knew how drunk Lisa actually was and she ended up making the night the amazing one that it was. She is an amazing party animal.

Tuesday we didn't leave the house.

Wednesday Angie, Rocko, Ben, and I went to see the Warhol/Basquiat exhibit at a museam followed by a trip to the San Jose Mission. We were cultured.

Now here's where it gets good...

Thursday we went to see Turbonegro which, as always rocked my sailor hat right off of my noggin. THEN, Angie and I got matching pizza tattoos that say "Home Slice". Yes, it's true. SO SWEET!!!

SXSW couldn't get any sweeter either.

Friday: Jay Retard and the Bloody Hollies rocked my ungergarments, but Angie and I actually got in to see PEACHES! Fucking Peaches, who I have been waiting years to see. I was on stage (well, halfway) and we clasped hands. I touched Peaches. I also stole her half drank bottle of water and drank the rest. Fuck your mother if you think that is gross, she is a fucking goddess. We are one now. I fucking love her and it was awesome. To top that rad day off, I got to see the SPITS play at a house party. They are one of my favorito bands of all time and I haven't seen them in years, so I was happy. SOOOOO happy. After that amazing day we headed back to our packed (8 people, 1 dog) hotel room and despite the various men snoring, I conked out and dreamed dreams of merkins and retards.

Saturday: After waiting in line for what seemed like an eternity behind masses of pretentious hipsters, Angie, Ezra, and I went to the comedy showcase. There were some alright bands there, The Walkmen (who I've seen), The Ponys (who I wanna like, but just suck live), Sloan (?), Fucked Up (I actually dug them), and whoever else. The real reason why we waited was for the comedians. DAVID CROSS. Tobias. Oh my fucking God. Behind Bill Hicks (who is obviously dead, therefore I will never see), David is my bestest. Zack Galafanackis was there too. The highlight from that show was David Cross walking right fucking past me and Michael Showalter from the State asking me what band was playing. Oh, and we got super fucking drunk off rum and cokes and I stole a bunch of buttons and a tee-shirt. I also stole some stickers and proceeded to put them on every persons ass in the joint. Ha Ha hipsters, I ruined your planned outfits. Fuck them.
Later that night Ang and I went to an all Electro showcase which was nothing short of life changing. I fucking mean that too. I haven't danced that hard since I was a teenage raver. THe only diference was the lack of hallucinogins. As I was shaking that ghetto booty that has a mind of it's own, who walks in but Peaches (!) and J.D. from La Tigre and Peaches keytarist from her current tour. FUCKING AMAZING. So I'm dancing right next to them and having the best time. Everything was perfect and I will never forget my SXSW trip.

Oh, and we saw Jamie Kennedy breakdancing in the middle of the road (?). Weird.

It was amazing and awesome and I came away musically refreshed and inspired. Thank you to everyone who participated in my perfect week. I can't wait to have more fun in Ohio in 8 days.

I'm a Hater...And PROOOUUUUD Of It!!

Well, my new gig as a barbitch most certianly rocks the socks off of any other job I could possibly have. It's only brewski's so I don't have to worry about learning how to make any fancy schmancy shit, there are a gaggle of regulars that already love me and tip me very well, I can do my homework and more importantly read magazines behind the bar. Very little clean up and free popcorn with hot sauce! What, I ask you, more could a girl want from a sleazy job? Not much. It's super cheap drinks and scummy Mexicans and I fit right in. I'm makin' the dough and paying the bills again. Word up.

I've started running with Ben and Lisa and it feels nice. Every day, when I can, I run a mile and a half to try to tone my body. I definetly don't want to lose my ass or boobs, just make the rest of it a little less jiggly. Try to cut back on the carbs a tad (my weakness, le sigh) and eat a little more fruit and veggies. Vegans can pig out on junk food too.

Only 12 more days til Angie comes and it will be nothing short of amazing. I love her to death and can't wait till we are reunited (cause it feels so good). Destruct-o mode in full effect.

Now I'm going to go pick up my specs from the store (they broke) and perhaps do a little shoppie shop. I deserve it, I have money now.

Ezra and I are still doing amazing...no fights (per usual) to report on. It's fun having a life together and making things work and helping each other out. He makes me happier than I've ever been and that hasn't changed in the year and 1/2 that we've been together. Plus he's wildly handsome.

Hexed...Part Duex

Ok, yes this is the second post of the day, but I'm feeling chatty, so let me be.

On this BEAUTIFUL 84 degree day we are having here in San Antone, I just realized that my air conditioner in my vehicle doesn't fucking work. Ha Ha just in time for the weekend heatwave. Fuck the world are my sentiments.

Today is Ash Wednesday, whatever that means. What it means to me is that I am going to watch Army of Darkness at the Alamo Drafthouse today and celebrate big chins everywhere!! Catholic guilt will not have the best of me, for I am not Catholic (or any religion for that matter) and do not give a fuck.

I need a job. I think I have one, but I am not sure. If I do, it is at the Frio Saloon as the beer slinging mama. They have Tejano bands play on the weekends and that rules.***I actually do have a job at Bath and Body Works, but that doesn't count, for it is only 2-3 days a week.

I have a new obsession. It is looking at personal ads on Craigslist. People actually put PICTURES of their genitals on there. I fucking love it and look at ads for hours on end. I have no life.

I want a new tattoo. I know I just got one, but my New Years Resolution is to finish my sleeves by the end of this year. AND I don't want Ezra to do all of my shit. Here's a list of what I want for the armage:
1. Divine Portrait. That will have to wait because it will cost me a pretty penny.
2. Frankenstein.
3. Flamingo knife going through my skin. Don't ask, it's hard to explain.
4. Zombie with worms.
5. filler shit.

That's it. I also want my chest piece (Bat) and Grandpa Munster on my left ankle. Oh, so many tattoos, so little space.

I'm done babbling now.

Hexed...

I'm convinced I have been hexed. Someone out there wants to ruin my life and let me tell you they are succeeding. Make long stories short, some fuck-up of a counsler at UTSA steered me in the wrong direction and not only was I wasting my precious time, I am out of approx. 1500 dollars in financial aid money. Like I used it for no reason and am getting no learning or refund cashola out of it. FUCK YOU LADY. AND to top it all off, I have a hundred more years of school to finish before I am ever out of here. The good news is that Ezra is going to be a good man (like he always is) and support the fuck out of me while I take 15-18 credit hours for the next year and a half so that I can finish school. He is my saving grace and I love him to no end. BUT I am still hexed. My life is poisened. But instead of dwelling on it, I'm going to accept the setback and move on. Well, I'm at school and some freak is staring at me so I have to get off of here. It's hard for me to write a lot because I can't write when others are in the area. I'm weird like that.
Moosh.

Once I Wanted to be The Greatest

Holla! So seriously, nothing of note is happening in my life. Points of interest are as follows:

1. Angie will be coming soon (Mar. 10-18th to be exact!). This will be a glorious opportunity to be in full-on, hardcore, destruct-o mode, which we excell at everytime we are together. For you simpletons that are confused as to exactly what "destruct-o mode" entails, well, you'll just have to wait for the pictures. It usually involves getting into a verbal altercation with someone that needs to be told off, or breaking, throwing, or all out ruining things. Ezra is not pleased.

2. I still need a steady, semi-good paying job. Working life sucks for me right now, but as I slowly wear out my applying options, the plan is that SOME fool will hire me and make me a waitress.

3. The weather here rules right now.

4. South by southwest is coming soon! Hopefully if all goes well, we will be hanging out with Turbonegro on the mean streets of Austin. I have a plan!

That's really, really all that is going on right now. Things with Ezra are nothing short of amazing. Oh, here's a good story...we went to the self-proclaimed "Worst BBQ in Texas" (which is actually the best, nice play on words, Texans), under the assumption that there was something I could eat (grilled corn, etc.). Ladies and Germs, I had a pickle. That's it. I couldn't even eat their bread. Texas does NOT welcome vegans with open arms, I will tell you this. Ces't la vie. Well mooshies, off I go to school...I miss everyone!

MONDO WOLFFO

So, as I know that everyone has been utterly curious about how my porn experience went. Well...I must say that it was a smashing success. That is all I will say about it, a girls gotta have her secrets. But it did end with a wet spot on the bed. HAHAHAHAHAHAHa. I'm so fucking gross. Sorry.

These last couple days have been uneventful. Sort of. Yesterday was a psychobilly extravaganza with one super, super shit-o band. The drummer looked like James Van Der Beak but gayer and I wanted to punch him in the nuts. The band is called Calabrese, so look them up and heckle them next time they come to your town.

I really miss everyone back home. But it looks like there will be a Reunion of sorts occurring during SXSW!! Andy has hinted that he and some other sweet folks will be venturing down the open road to kick it Clevo style. Angie will be there also, so I am going to be in Cleveland heaven. Without the -20 windchill factor! Seriously, sorry folks that are up there, but it's going to be 69 tomorrow and like 9 for you. Get out while you can.

I'm going bowlin, so peace the fuck out!

Come On Baby You're My Best Fix.

It's been a while since I've Blizzoged, but not much is going on. I quit my 2nd job since I've been here on account of the rediculously low rate I was being paid. So now I'm jobless once again. Ezra is cool with it, but I'm not. Shit, I got bills and shopping to do. My new scheme is to tend bar somewhere that I am worshipped. Whether it be a Lesbo joint, or a skanky biker bar, I need tips. And no, the door hitting me in the ass is not a good tip.

Things otherwise are going pretty good. Ezra downloaded some porno and I'm going to give it another go. He's right, how can a girl who can look at poop and pus all day and giggle about it squeal everytime she sees a penis enter a vagina? I don't know is the answer. I'm not by ANY sense a prudie prude pants, it just doesn't appeal to me. I wouldn't even be opposed to filming a sexy movie, but watching it gives me the heebie jeebies. But, like the trooper that I am, I'm gonna give it another go 'round. Stay tuned for the details...

Things with Ezra are going DISTURBINGLY well. He is my number one scummer. HAHAHAH get it?? Anywho, the darling, sickeningly sweet couple that we are went ROLLERSKATING on Sunday and I didn't fall once. I was expecting to have a broken ulna or at least a squashed pinkie, but no...I ruled the rink. Good times, I must say.

Everyone will also be delighted to know that the Haidet/Wolff love train will be rolling into the O to the HIO for Cinema Wasteland this March/April. I expect EVERYONE to make a valliant effort to see us (or at least me) if you know what's good for you. It will be a fun repeat of last year with my screen siren idol, Miss Tura Satana.

Well, that's about it.

Oh the weather ouside is frightful...

...j/k, it's totally not. Tex-ASS is really living up to it's name because everyone here seems to have their head firmly placed up their ass when it comes to driving and weather. It has really made me proud (for once) to be from Ohio, the land of good drivers and never shutting down anything. I hated it then, but now I see the big picture. For god's sake, the Malls were closed. WTF?! Anywho, shit is back up and running again and life will begin as planned starting today, when I have to work. I like working with clothing, but I know damn well that all of my money will go to new shoes and outfits and looking good. I've got a lotta plans to fulfill, especially all of the dancing dates with Lisa. She's gotta see me at my best, not just in my pj's all of the time (like I always am at home).

So despite the weather setbacks, everything is peachy keen here in the land of the Lone Star. School starts Friday and I am soooo excited. Call me a pocket protector wearin' nerd if you will, my cranium lives to learn. Especially about abnormal psych. I have been aching for this class since I took it before (it's what made me want to be a psych. major in the first place). Yes, this will be time numero dos for taking it, but Tri-C doesn't count. I plan to do uber well in all my classes and get straight A's for the duration of my time here at U of T. No more Spanish to throw in gross C+'s. I'll use my espanol knowledge to order food at the over 200 Mexican restaurants here in San Antonio. And I plan to try every one, thank you very much. Mexican food served by hottt mexican ladies. Can't beat that with a bat.

Ezra and I are still doing good. I still get mad at him for doing and saying stupid stuff, but that comes with the territory. That said, it's very difficult to keep our baby makin' activities down, I tend to be a loud lady...but Ben and Lisa keep weird hours, so hopefully we'll be doin' it when they are sleeping and we won't weird them out with our barnyard noises.

As you can tell, I'm in much better spirits and am ready for the weekend of fun that Lisa promised me. I'm going to buy a new dress today for the occasion.

How dry I am...

Blah. I feel like rotting meat in John Wayne's colon. The Fredrick's of Hollywood job sucks to new heights, Ezra just left for a tattoo convention (that I chose not to attend for sheer lack of funds), and I am on the verge of tears for the umpteenth time since I've been here. I KNOW that things will get better, but I'm so lonely. I mostly feel very empty because every time I want to do something that I would usually call up my mother to do with me, oh yeah, I have to do these things by myself. I'm not utterly unhappy with this new life that I've created, nor do I regret moving, it's just that I'm starting over with shithole jobs, an adult diaper load of school (starting next Wednesday), and no friends. Ezra's made a buddy at work, but I'm sitting here on a Saturday night by myself with nothing to do and nowhere to go. The fucked up thing is, if I were in Kent, I wouldn't care if I was by myself. I would be happy. But nooooooo, I've got to be Queen Emo, and feel sorry for myself.

Everything with Ezra is going good, it's just I can't stand all of this time together. I'm a very private person and like to generate space between myself and the significant other. There is no space. At all. I have so much to bitch about, but it all just comes out wrong and I feel like garbage.

I'm going to go cry in my room now.

There's a whole in my heart that can only be filled by you...

Alas...homesickness sets in. I knew it would come to this, but so soon? Not fair. I miss hanging out with people at will, I miss going to places that are not on a LOOP...and I miss feeling confident. The job search did not go as well as I planned it, although I did get a job, I expected more places to call me back, with my stunning past jobby job history. Not so much. Eh, I guess a discount on good clothes makes up for it. I basically feel shitty because I have no self confidence right now. I am obsessing over my looks for now apparent reason other than I have nothing else to do right now. No job, no class, no friends. I am comparing myself to stupid people and unsure about my personality. I have continued to work out while living in San Antonio (walk the dog, do floor exercises) but I feel really gross and uggo. I'm sick of Ezra everyday. I'm sick of having no money coming in. I'm sick of not seeing my friends and I don't want them to forget about me. I hate my clothes and I want a new wardrobe. I am basically being a whiney bitch and I want someone to care.

This post is doing me no good.

Deep in the Ass of Texas!

I made it!! After shipping off a day late (and more than a dollar short) we rolled into San Antone in the wee hours of Friday morning (3am). The drive wasn't as bad as I was predicting that it would be, I even ended up driving for 7 hours straight! Whoda thunk? I'm pretty happy here, despite not really knowing where anything is and not having a jobby job, but that will arrive in due time. My stuff all ended up fitting (ha ha Ezra, shows what you know) and New Years Eve was super fun. Not so much the standard rockabilly joint, but the 80s dancing with Sugar and Lisa really made the night what it was. I'm kind of getting a little lonesome for my girls and my mom...it's hard not to be able to call someone to come over and watch the 7 day America's Next Top Model marathon with me, but Hatchetface will do.

****Sappy Wolff ahead, watch out****

This feels so wonderful to be making this kind of move with Ezra. He still makes my heart swoon, and starting a "new life" with him makes me giddy like a perv on a playground. The man is sexy, talended, hiliarious, and sweet...how did I get so lucky? I thank the stars at night that are big and bright (deep in the heart of Texas...sorry) that I decided to give the goofball a chance, it was by FAR the best decision I have ever made.

Anywhat...I'm gonna continue not getting dressed and watching the marathon as I attempt to work out.