Don't touch me with those seman stained hands, you big ape!

I'm back from my excursion. Oh shit does it feel good to be back. Don't get me wrong, I had, per usual, the time of my life, but I missed the ole homefront.

The trip started off on a bit of a sour note, as I missed my plane. Nice. Luckily, there was another one a mere hour from the first, so it was not too much of an inconvienence. Angie picked me up and we went to eat at P.F. Changs, which proved to be un-fucking-believeable. These lettuce wraps they had were sooo great, they changed my life. Then we had all the best intentions of going out for a night on the West Chester town, but got sucked into some horrible T.V. as usual, and retired early. I was tired anyway.

The next day we both simultationsly woke up at the asshole crack of dawn and headed up for a jam-packed shopping day! My favorite extracurricular activity! We started off at King of Prussia, and were there for like 5 hours. That fucking place is gigundous. I got some good shit, no boots, to my dismay. Then we went to the Exton mall and I got some more shit. Oh shopping, why are you the only thing that gives me the least bit of pleasure in this cruel world? That night we hightailed it on down to Rex's to get in some quality RedbullVodka time. All the old favorites were there, Jackie, Justin, Zach, Donnie and Colleen. It was mondo fun, but I was very tired and we went home at like one, to sleep off the jampacked day of shopping and drinking.

I can't really remember what we did on Saturday during the day...I know we worked out...anywho, I can't remember because what happened Saturday night was probably the highlight of my existance, and will forever outshine anything else that will ever happen to me...childbirth, death, ANYTHING. Ok, so we went to this club called the 700 club which was mega cute, it looked like someone's grandma's house. This nerdy, hipster/emo dude came up to Ang and I and told us we were the sexiest girls at the bar, and that our outfits were amazing. We were very nonchalant, and said our thank yous, and were on our way. Later, as we were walking to the car after the bar, we stopped some random and asked him for directions. Lo and behold, it was the random from earlier. So he helped us find our way and we got to talking to him and somehow got on the subject of sexy underwear. He goes "I have some pretty sexy underwear on, do you girls want to see?" Fuck yes, we say and he promptly drops his drawers, revealing a lovely black, g-string, banana hammock! Oh my we say. Knowing my love for crazy people, I start snapping photos! Then he asks us if we mind if he takes down his underwear. Angie says I don't know, ask Theresa. Ladies and gents, you know my answer, so this young man drops the panties, revealing a raging hard-on! Creepy you say? Oh contraire, it was trememdously funny! Suprisingly, not weird at all. So I'm snapping away and he bends over, spreading his ass cheeks, to reveal a bountiful purple flower. This dudes asshole was stretched to no end. Beautiful! Colleen says (which is the quote of the century) "If I was single, I'd touch it". Amazing. Then the gentlefellow says, "Do you ladies mind if I masturbate in front of you?" Of course, the answer is no (I was voted out 2 against one) and we go on our way. OMG. This shit only happens to me.

The rest of the trip was uneventful compared to this event. I missed Ezra greatly, and feel happy to be home. Sigh

You can get with this, or you can get with that

I am having a major delimma right now. I cannot go into detail but it is ripping me apart inside. I have something to tell someone that I was not supposed to tell them, and I have to. HAVE to. This not only effects me, but this other person, and one other person. Something is happening and this secret that I've held for 7 months is about to come out. This will change things to no extent and I am freaking out. I feel hurt and angry and betrayed. This sucks. I don't know what to do. I'm scared. 

check out my chrissie behind...it's fine!

A).Why was I possessed with the gene that makes me hate everyone? I swear, the older I get, the my cynical I am. It's very difficult to break out of that, especially when everyone that surrounds me is so GODDAMN STUPID!!!!! Not just customers at work, everyone. I need to stop.

2). I really enjoy watching television. I went without the el stupido box for 2ish years, now I am most definetly sucked the fuck in. And since I got TiVo? Fugget about it. I have been reading alot too, to try to keep my brain from turning into pureed jell-o (sidenote: they actually DID puree jell-o at the nursing home I used to work at...sick).

iii). I MISS EZRA. AND ANGIE. AND ACE. AND AUD. AND AMY. AND DAVE. Seriously, the only people I can stand, I am not able to see when I want to. Karen is a good sub though, I like her.

Commense America's Next Top Model Marathon!!!!!!

I'm in love with a stripper

Well, my sweetie pie left today for Austin. It's bittersweet. Bitter, obviously because I will be without my best friend for six days, and considering the fact that he's pretty much the only person I can stand, that relatively sucks. Sweet, because I get to do whatever the fuck I want to without comprimising anything. Sooo, I'm going out to eat with Rob on Thursday, watching America's Next Top Model on Wednesday, and going dancing on Friday. AND having a sleepover with Amy on Saturday doing girly stuff. Fun packed weekend galore! Even after all that fun, I will still be mondo happy when I pick Ezra up from the airport Monday morning. I know it's hormones and chemicals that take the romance out of love, but daggone it, that oxytocin sure does feel good while it lasts. It's difficult being away from someone that you see everyday of your life. It's cool though, the time apart does a body good. Then I am the one to leave 3 days after he gets back. I am super excited to spend time with the guys and gals in good ole' WestChester. I have soo much fun when I am there. And Target has coconuts again!!!! Do I see a repeat of last years shananigans (sp?)??? My sources point to yes!!!

My depression has let up a great deal since last week. Last week was a killer. I also can't wait to rock out at the plethura of show that are coming. After a dry winter, an abundance of good rockin opportunities are a comin my way!!! I am going to make a valid attempt at posting all of these shows I will be attending on my myspace page, so as soon as I get that damn free times in front of me, I will do so!

I need to vent real quick...Erica has been eating Vicoden like crazy and sort of bragging about it in front of me. Not really bragging, I guess, but talking about it alot and shit. She knows perfectly well about my history with this horrible drug, but continues to let me know how much she is doing it. Greg didn't make a downhill slide with nothing to blame for it. Vicoden led to him killing himself amongst other things that happened to him. He stole all of my money because of it for chrissakes. I really don't think that talking about this shit constantly is appropriate to do in front of someone whose life got ruined by it. Correct me if I'm wrong I guess. People are just genuine assholes and have no idea when to shut up about things. Angie did the same thing the other day with the Adderol. I know it's a different category, but I never want to do pills again. Not fuckin worth it. End transmission 

I love the cock

So Thursday was, as well, the best day ever. It started off with the finale of midterm week, thank Christ, and Ezra picking me up from class. We proceeded to go fuck our brains out because it has been an utterly long time (yeast, cold, bloody drawers), and decided to go to the movies with Angie. It was four o'clock and we had some time to kill before the movie, so we decided to do some well deserved daytime drinkin'. Well flashforeward to midnight when we were still at the bar. 8 motherfuckin hours at the bar. We were joined by Karen and Ryan and it was a grand time. Angie and I spend approximately 35 dollars in the jukebox and played the same songs over and over and over. Sam Cooke has never been played so much in his life. We slow danced to Otis Redding and had the most heartfelt conversations and bonded like we haven't in so long. It feels so good to have that girl here. I love her so much and can't wait to go visit her soon. She makes me happy and not utterly miserable like I usually am. Angie, Ryan, Ezra, and I make a good foursome (shut up sickos) and I am looking foreward to many happy times with them. 

A night to remember

Oh last night really WAS all it's cracked up to be!!! Everyone (well almost) that I love was there with me and it was ubsurdly fun. We got picked up at Hooligan's by Ryan and Angie and when we got to Screwie Louie's, we were whisked away to a magical land called backstage, where the Redbull Vodka and Miller Lite were a-flowin'. Then we all connected with the lovely members of Backwoods Payback, whom I love dearly, and proceeded to wreck massive havok with silly string and glow necklaces. It was an amazing night and it made this overwhelmingly shitty week that consisted of midterms and stolen credit cards all worth while. Now I am sitting in my room watching Futurama and feeling like massive shit. Diarreah is flowing like wine and I am really not wanting to go to work today. So I worked some shit out with Kim to go in later if she can go in later next Saturday because she wants to go to the strip club or sumthin. Whatever. Anywho, I had so much fun causing trouble, and hanging out with my friends. I am the luckiest girl in the world. OMG I totally forgot to write about the other day...Hold on, I'll start a new post 

Too Little, Too Late

Ok, well I don't so much feel like telling the rest of the story, but I will say that it ended up with vomit all over the floor, and a pissed in bed. And a pissed off roomate.

I feel like ass. I am so down in the dumps. I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with me, besides I am utterly unsatisfied with my life as I know it. I am stuck in a job that sucks my life's blood, I don't think I'll EVER get done with school at this rate, and I am miserable in Ohio. I have one good thing in my life, Ezra, and I am making a valid effort to try to convince myself that it is not working. I have no idea why, because I know tootin' well that it is working out splendidly. I tend to pull this kind of shit when I am scared of getting hurt. And ya'll better believe that I am terrified. It's hard enough dating someone with an ex-gf, but try an ex- wife. It just weighs heavy on my brain. Ezra obviously is over that part of his life, but it is extremely hard for me to seperate myself from thoughts. Please make a magical pill to shut off my brain. Shouldn't those damn wheels be slowing down with rust by now. Of course not. I just have to know that Ezra went through hell and high water to be with me, and that is where he wants to be. I know it's this fucking birth control that is turning me into a watery pile of woman, with tiara and g string floating around. Hormones suck. I am very much in love with a stable (um hello, that doesn't happen to me) man, who I am able to be a goofball with, who enjoys the morbid side of life, as do I. I just have to get a grip and be cool. I deserve to be happy for once. God forbid.

On a darker note, I found my old best friend Ace!!! I love this boy and we were stuck together like glue for the better part of two years. He is one of the funniest and good hearted people I know, and I can't wait for him to come visit me.

And Angie is here right now so, I have an ally in this cruel world. Thank you universe for sending this beautiful best friend my way during this hard week.

P.S. FUCK YOU MIDTERMS!

Ride me hard and put me away wet

OMG

Amy and the fat man...Part Deux!

So as any redblooded American knows, there is such a thing called fat man syndrome, where if you say "Hello, how are you?" to an overweight gentleman, it comes across as "Hello, I want you to fuck me". This was the case of this very evening. The entire ride home Ezra and I are like OMG, this is gonna be trouble, because Stacy is rubbing up on Amy like she is a piece of bacon. We FINALLY get home and Ezra and I attempt to go to sleep, but alas, are kept up by the two loudest people on the planet. There is no way we are gonna fall asleep, so we get our shit together and hike on over to his house. Little did we know the night was not over yet.....Coming soon in part Tres....Vomit and Pee and Molesting, Oh MY! 

Fuckin' A

hahahahahahahahhahhshshahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Girls of the world ain't nuthin' but TROUBLE...Part un

So let me recap this fateful night. Ezra and I were going to his friend Ben's buh-bye party and I kinda wanted someone I knew to go, cuz it can get a little akward around these people (not really sure if they like me, don't really care, but gimme a break, I gotta have someone to talk to), Erica, the usual standby was busy, so Amy was the next choice. The thoughts that followed were, oh she'll be fine, no biggie if she has like two beers. What the fuck is wrong with me??? I shoulda known. She keeps drinkin' cup after cup of Great Lakes (This is important because she usually drinks el cheapo beer like natty light or whatever college kids drink these days), so she is gettin mighty wasted. At this point, I'm like fuck. I, per usual, am the sober one of the group, so naturally, the babysitter in me comes out. Considering the fact that I don't even know these people, I have to make sure that she is well behaved. After falling out of her chair and having some random that Ezra didn't even know get her some water, needless to say I was pissed. The ride home was a glimpse into my own personal hell because all I hear the entire way home is "Whateva, I do what I want". I swear her and Stacy are the same person because the looove to outtalk each other and see who wins....Th 

The boys in the hood are always hard.....

.....come talkin' that trash we'll pull your card, knowin' nuthin' in life but to be legit, so don't quote me boy cuz I ain't said shit...

I am going to have a gangsta rap party!!! Everyone has to dress and act like gangsta rappers and drink fourtys and smoke blunts. This is truely the best idea i've ever had. It is all because of my gangsta rap coloring book. Seriously, this is sweet as fuck

Everyday it's a gettin' closer, goin' faster than a rollercoaster

Who fuckin' knew that David Cross did a PETA ad?! This is maybe the best thing I have ever seen, as this man is my new love. SOOOOOOO fuckin funny.

Ezra is doing some radio show with his friends tonight. How cute is he? We had such good sex last night. I know, I know TMI, but we just have so much fun together. We went bowling with Rob and Repo Joe and I wiped the lanes with the bunch of 'em. I dunno how I managed that seeing that my average is about a 62. I won with an all time high score of 143!!! Rob had a brilliant idea of a bowling party with a bunch of people. That serves to be nothing but fun and frolicking with the SOSF crew. I swear, I am having so much fun with everyone lately. I am a social butterfly. I do hate work with a passion though, so don't worry, I haven't lost my misery. That type of thing will never go away! It's in my bone marrow.

Anyway, that's about it. I need to get my old pictures transfered to this computer from my old one so that I can post more, especially the halloween ones. I am most proud of my costume this year, so I want to show all of y'all my artistry.

Let's all get dixie fried!!!

Hello my name is wonkey eye!!!! Wtf is wrong with me? I maybe look like the loopiest girl to land on this planet. This weekend was pretty good. It started wonderful with a trip to the Zephyer and sitting at the bar with Pops and Roza all night and cracking the fuck up. I love Pops, we have the same mind. We hate everyone, both are very angry, and looooovvee the same television shows. Any one that shares my affinity for Strangers with Candy and Mitchell has loyalty from me til the end. If Ezra and I don't work out, Pops and I will promptly get hitched. I also really like all of Ezra's friends. I didn't at first, I thought that they were stuck up and rude, but they just had to get to know me and now it is all good. I especially like Roza. She is super chill and adorable and fun to talk to. On Saturday I went to a show at the ECC with mooshie. I was monstrously tired so the ciggy smoke and loudness was irritating to me. I wasn't feeling it. And no liquour. What is that about? I had to go to goddamn Panini's to get a shot. Bullshitty.

On Sunday I went to Urban Outfitters because I heard through the shopping grapevine that there was a gigundous sale and that I better get my fashion crazy ass out there or I would have a gazillion anxiety attacks. So I hauled ass on up to butt fuck to get my shop on. Did I ever!!!! I got 4 pairs of super shoes and some random shirts and skirts. I also got super cute sheets with little horsey shoes on them. And curtians. And a fantabulous necklace with a little dear on it. When I got back, I went to see my adorable neice and family. I am not quite sure why I didn't take pictures, but next time I see her I will. Ezra, Ryan and I went to El Camp and feeling quite full, we proceeded to eat peanut butter soy dream in bed and have some good sex. Overall, I'd say I had a pretty rockin' weekend. Next crazy time will be Karen's birthday. 

Take it on the run baby...

Yeah, yeah, everyone has to have bad tattoos. Mine are mostly curtosy of Dave Winland. Fucker. This rose is pretty much my worst one. Even though I wish I had them all to do over. Oh well, we all make mistakes. 

Make it up as we go along

Here I am being a naughty Wolffy. Smokin' a ciggy. Tsk Tsk. Good thing I only steal Erica's smokes when I am wasted.

I just found out that Ryan is doing a club tour and he is coming to Screwy Louies!!!! With Backyard Payback to boot!!! So that means Angie, Ryan, Mike, Jess, Miles, and Rob will all be partying at my pad on March 10!!! Whomever wants to come is welcome, we don't descriminate here at Palace Wolff. I know Ry hates touring, but fuck it, it's in his home state with all of his friends. Oh how exiting!!!!! And I get to see Angie like 13 days after that for 1 whole week. March is going to be the best month ever!!!!

I almost cried in math class today. About fuckin' Greg. What the fuck is going on? I just miss the way he used to talk to me. He made me feel smart and funny and pretty. I hate saying these things cuz I have a bf now, but I have to get this out some way. These two boys couldn't be anymore different and I love Ezra for being who he is, but I miss the good things about Greg. Yes, the bad things did overrule, but the good things were very good. It's sad.

P.S. I love Conor Oberst. 

Hey who's on trial?

Here are my roomie and I acting uber-sexual at the bar. Of course I am drunkie as a skunkie. Why else would I be acting like such an asshole. Yesterday, Karen came over and we watched Project Runway. Fucking Santino, he is such an asshole. It really bugs me that the show is fixed. I thought it was different. GRRRR...

Anyway, I am feeling restless this Wednesday morning. I have to go into work in a little bit. I don't wanna. At least I get to close with Tahli. I can't go to class tonight because Erica is sick. That kind of freaks me out cuz I never miss class. But this teacher asshole just specificly follows the book, so it should be cool.

There is nothing much to talk about today, nothing is happening in my life at all. Fuckin A. 

Love ta Love ta Love ya

This is my favorite picture of Ezra and I thus far. Even though he is making a pouty face, I look so happy because that is what he makes me feel like. The way that I fell for Ezra is a novella in itself, it was weird and unwanted, but now I do not know what I would do if he was not in my life. I've known him for years and NEVER thought of him in this way. He would not give up and I am glad of that.

Anywho, it's V-day, whoopdi do. I really do not care about today, it means nothing to me. Romance wise at least. I use this day to let my friends and family know how much I love and appreciate them. I already talked to Angie (I will be seeing her soon OMG!!!!), and I will text everyone on my important list a little later. As for my boo, I don't care to let him know that I love him today. He already knows and doesn't need some el stupido bear or candy to make him feel special. Nor do I.

On a darker note, I really hate my hair right now. I am trying to grow my hair out, and it's in a horrible place right now. It takes all my might not to cut my bangs everyday. ARRRGGG. 

The first cut is the deepest

Don't you hate it when someone that is supposed to be your friend lies straight to your face? I sure do. Especially when it is about something utterly trivial just because she is afraid you will yell at her. Well I wouldn't yell, but now I am deeply hurt and bothered by the fact that this person is able to tell every single person around her besides me that she did something. I am not naming any names, but she knows who she is and what this is about. That's way fucked up. 

If I Was Workin At the Club You Would Not Pay

I totally forgot to speak about the movie last night! We saw Final Destination 3, even though I have never seen the first two. Ezra spoke super highly of them, but I had my doubts. It turns out that it was awesome. The deaths were waaaayyyyy gory and hilarious. I loved it. It promised and delivered, giving the audience exactly what they wanted to see. I loved it. Happy girl I was.

Ezra went to some hunting store this morning, so I took this opportunity to watch Gilmore Girls. Since he has such a massive vendetta against it. I don't care.

BTW, this is a penis wristwatch. I thrive on educating the public.