Hot Damn Hoe Here We Go Again

Here I am looking mighty shifty eyed. I'm actually just bored in my car on my lunch break from work and decided to be a little sassy.

Well, I fell down the stairs again today. This clutziness has really been posing a problem for me as of late. I really need to start taking care of myself, for I am getting up there in years.

I got new specs on Sunday and I must say I do look fabu in them. They are a light tortise (sp??) shell in a cat eye shape with some periwinkle accents on the tips. I love my glasses and want to have a bazillion some day.

Enough being shallow, I must be going to be studious in my glasses.

Math is one of the many banes of my existance, good thing I have the O.C. to help me along. Oh Seth Cohen, how I love your wit and cuteness. 

one burbon, one shot, one beeeerrrrrrr

DRRRUUUNNNK and crunk


Skeet Skeet 

A New Kind of Kick

Here is my MySpace picture. No, I do not belong to the MySpace community, and yes, I think it is crazy wack funky, but, if I had a MySpace page, this picture would fo sho be on it.

I had a pretty good weekend. Friday Ezra and I were just settling in to watch Six Feet Under and make sweet love when I got a call from Rob asking me if I would bring him some contact solution to the shop because he got pepper sprayed. I was like "Uh, I'll just send Ezra to get you". So much for our relaxing evening.

Saturday I got pretty wasted off ONE drink and ONE shot. Hot damn, I have not drank in a while. I genuinely like to drink, it just really never works out for me. With the responsiblity and whatnot. Anyway, it was fun and we took some hot ass drunk pictures that I will be posting eventually.

I also called the University of Arizona to request a college application. Ezra and I had another talk about moving, and I let him know that if he is serious, so the fuck am I. My hopes are not high though. I know that boy all too well. 

Will Someone Please Call A Surgeon?

Why when I am in a perfectly good mood, does something shitty have to happen? I was super happy when I got home from work and then I have to go and see Ezra. He can be such an idiot. I swear he gets mad at me when I go visit him at work. It's like he doesn't want me talking to anyone that works there. I got him this awesome Abraham Lincoln bust at the thrift store and was really exited to go give it to him, and he's like "that's cool", and puts it down, going about his business. Then he was bitching about some random thing and mad cuz I was making vegetarian tacos for dinner. "Why you always trying to make me eat that shit" he says. WTF?? I can't even do something nice for anyone without getting shit. I swear it would be so much healthier for me to be single. I don't know why I bother. So now I have to wait for bitch ass to get home so I can hear bitching about tacos. Don't eat it then motherfucker. It's that simple. More for me. Like I need to hear this garbage. If only I could let him know how much I am a mess inside. SEE ME CRY? Never...

I don't let anyone in. What's the point? Nothing lasts, or is maintained. Why the fuck do I need to care about anyone? You just end up alone in the end. Put that last fuckin nail in my coffin.

Today at work, Wendy was like "the Iraq war is costing each American 1400 dollars". What the fuck? I did that care about the government thing. I was waaaaayyyy into the election. Where the fuck did it get anyone? Nowhere. It's all some stupid play. Fuck it. Life is really too short to worry about the future to a ridiculous extent. Everything at the government level is a sham anyway. It's all planned out. There is no fate. FUCK IT...

Thanks for hearing me rant...life is hard to keep up with sometimes. I just want to feel safe and calm again. I'm sure that will not happen. Truely, the person that loved me unconditionally is now dead. I know that there will never be someone again that puts me on a pedistal like that. Probably a good thing.

Town Without Pity

I feel a little better today, I was up until 6 A.M. I haven't had insomnia like that in ages. It was oddly refreshing in a way, I got to be by myself and do whatever I wanted and watch whatever I wanted. That never happens to me.

Here is a picture of me and Amy being silly. Well, more me being silly, per usual. I love that girl, even though she is 7 or so years younger than me, she is the sweetest thing. I am very glad that we became pals, she is there for me when I need her and I am forever grateful for that. She is my dancin partner, and knows how to make me chuckle just when I need it. I wish that we could spend more time together, but she is in Hiram, like a dork.

So I really have nothing on my agenda today, perhaps a jaunt to Target. Class later in the evening, and then some quality time with my man. Maybe I'll suprise him with something special. Like anal.

J/K fools... 

Tossin and Turnin all night

Insomnia...
What causes you? I have a theory that when I suffer from insomnia, it is because I have something weighing heavy on my mind. I really haven't been thinking about Greg lately, mostly because I just keep distracting myself from the subject whenever it pushes itself into my cranium. But let's lay the cards on the table right now...
MY EX-BOYFRIEND COMMITTED SUICIDE
probably because of me. Obviously because of me. Do you know what it's like to know that the LAST thought to travel through someone's brain in their lifetime was of you? When a bag was placed around Greg's head and helium or whatever was poured in he was thinking of me. Probably apologizing for what he was about to do to me (because it really was not about him anymore, he was going to die). I know he was crying, and I know he was shaking. I never thought he would do it. The massive amount of guilt I feel is crushing. I know I should go to therapy, but I am avoiding it for whatever reason. I loved this man. And now he no longer exists. I never got to say good-bye in a funeral/closure form or anything. I used to think that was bullshit, why do you need to see some shell of this former person to have a finish to the feelings. I kind of wish there was one for me. It was more like the door was slammed shut in my face and it was over. Time to move on. He wouldn't have wanted a funeral anyway, but hopefully he knew how many people that he crushed with this decision. Especially me. I believed in him. At least I told myself I did. Did I ever really believe in him? That he would turn his awful life around? I don't have the slightest idea. But I wanted for him to find his nitch. He deserved a good life. He never had a chance, really. Doomed from the get-go. I guess I was his only hope out of his hell, and he fucked that up. I moved on. I found another person that made me feel secure. But God, I did love this man. For whatever reason, lost puppy syndrome or what-not, I cared about someone enough to sacrifice every bit of sanity and reason to make a valid attempt to make the relationship work. I knew it wouldn't. For an entire year, I attempted to convince myself that things were going to turn around, that the pills were just going to magically dissapear and he would get (and keep) a job. Finally, he put an end to all of that when he stole my ATM card and extracted 2,000 dollars from my savings account. He did it so I had a reason to escape, whether he knew it or not. The subconscious is a powerful thing.

Well, hopefully with that off my chest, I will be able to sleep. Probably not, tonight was just not made for sleeping I guess...

When you are away, I feel gray

Oh Miles, how I miss you. You never fail to crack me up and I live for your laugh. That random Heh bellowing from your gut makes a smile appear on my face that cannot be erased. Alas, you live semi-far away (well Clevo, but you don't have a car, so it's a one way friendship really). We have a mutual love of a gal named Angie, and both want to move to Philly one day. Well, you already have, but want to move back. Anyhoo, It was real nice to see you the other day, even though it was under stupid Don Vito circumstances. You remain forever my dude.


Work was one hell of a soul sucker today. I am real sick of my staff blowing off their responsibilities. Yes, they may be cashiers, but I attempt to make their meaningless jobs as interesting and fun as possible and they do not seem to realize or care. I guess I care, so I feel that they should also. No one wants to make a career out of this (with the exception of Tahli and maybe Nicol).

I am feeling really shitty today and do not want to sit in Ezra's closet of a room and make a valiant effort to do my homework without his distractive nature. I just want to relax and watch Six Feet Under. Peter Krause gives my life new meaning.

I need a vacation...I miss my Angie 

Here I am with Dave, who obviously wanted nothing to do with my silly ass. I just got back from the official Mustard Seed Market post-holiday shin-dig. Um my job causes so much conflict in my life. I really love everyone that I work with. I mean REALLY love them. I don't know what I would do without these friends I have made at this place. I will forever be grateful for the friendships I have made over this 5 1/2 year period. But (you knew this was coming), I cannot handle these godforesaken customers. It really sucks when people actively attempt to belittle you and make you feel like shit. Which they do not do, they just piss me off to no end. I just visualize their demise in many different ways. What I am attempting to get out is that I want to turn a new leaf in my life. I want to get out of here. I want to plan a different life. I want to START OVER. No old memories to hold me back to these places and things. I want to become reborn per say. Lordy does that sound hokey, but seriously. It's time. I feel it in my bones, and my boner...

I would just like to say also that I love my boyfriend. He is a wonderful man and I love him more and more everyday. He puts comfort in my life. He is my preverbial rock.

Funny how I never wanted to do this ever again. And here it is. Man, if I had a dollar for everytime I heard someone say that, I probably would be rich. That love thing is a mighty crazy thingy.

booyacka 

So this is by far my favorite picture of the Bahamas trip. It was right when we got to the beach in Miami (muthafuckin brrrrrr) and we had to take our shoes off for the wedding. I'm going to get the photo framed for my parents so they are constantly aware of how much pain I went through to show them my love and devotion.

So lately I have been very silly and really miss my friends, especially Angie. She is the light of my life and I have never felt closer to anyone ever and I cherish her to no end. I want to go and see her so bad in my favorite place (Philly), but I can't figure out a good time to go. I want Ezra to go, but I really want to spend some quality time with my true soul mate. That girl makes me utterly happy and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I also realized that I miss concerts and dancing SOOOOOOO much. I haven't been to a show in ages and I miss it. I am jonsing for any show. As goes the ol' Clevo drought. 

Sometimes I don't feel that I have anything witty to say. That just bothers me. It also perturbs me that I can be so negative at my workplace. I don't want to be one of those people who goes on a rant about how fucking stupid everything and everyone is, all the while her co-workers and going "wow, what's her damage?". Not that this is Heathers or anything but you get the gist. So, I ponder, how does one reach the stage where the sheer stupidity of people does not drive her to the point of lunacy? Does anyone really like going to work? My educated guess would be no, but not everyone who works speaks so negatively in terms of their profession. I chose this life, I could very well pack up and make a new one somewhere, but I don't. I muse on how I want to start over, but that is scary. I guess it's all the Ezra talk on moving to Arizona. Is this another one of his get super exited plans that he does nothing with. Probably. But it also makes me realize that I really would do anything or go anywhere for this boy. Mind you, we have only been dating for 5 months, but he is wonderful. He is a kind person and a loyal friend, and I like that in a person. I also like that he likes me too. So what I am getting at, is yes, I would move away with you and leave the scariness up to chance. I will have my man and my no matter what friends anyway, so who the fuck cares.

Anyway, back to work now. I just needed a break from all the FUCKING idiots that I have to deal with on a daily basis.

So me, Theresa Wolff, ate major shit the other day. I am the first person to successfully fall down the entire flight of stairs at our apartment. I swore it would be a drunken Amy, but alas, it was I. It's ok tho, I managed to walk away with a slight case of whiplash and a large ecchimosis (bruise) on my right sholder blade. At least I got some muscle relaxers out of the deal.

Yesterday I went to the horrible Don Vito thing at the even more horrible Screwy Louies. I swear, things I do to see the friends I never see. I managed to convince Miles that we should get the fuck out of there as fast as humanly possible and we hightailed it down to the Zephyr, where I proceeded to get drunk. Not too drunk tho, just drunk enough to not give a fuck. When I got there, I had a lovely story waiting for me about my boyfriend who just had diarrhea in an alleyway. With a picture to boot! What I lucky girl I am. Swoon...

Didn't turn out so good, but that is a pigs head in Divine's hands. Gotta love her. R.I.P beautiful

I'm buzzed right now. I just drank a bottle of wine and watched Buffy. I have seen all seasons before, but have decided to re-watch them because of the high quality of the show. Now I am sitting in my room bored as fuck waiting for Ezra to come back from the bar. I am watching Wolfman vs. Frankenstein. Of course I am rooting for Wolfman. So I also figured out my next tattoo. I had a dream about a John Waters tattoo, and now that is what I am going to get. I was thinking along the lines of a pink flamingo with a banner that says "filth is forever". Next to the flamingo will, obviously, be a pile of dog shit. Now I can hear you thinking, "Why the fuck would she do that to herself"? Well it's just because I don't give a fuck. It's not like I would get it on my forearm or anything. Probably on my hip or lower back off to the side. John Waters is a huge part of my life and I want that to be represented on my body for all eternity. I love that man and think he is the greatest filmmaker of our time. I have everything ever written by or about him and adore all of his movies. Although Female Trouble is my fav, Pink Flamingos is an icon. As important to our society as rock and roll. At least to me that is. Well I'm goin to sleepy snoozle land and I will send you off with a picture of a great John Waters flick.

Well, here I am, dressed in black, like my idol Johnny Cash, getting ready to go be dissapointed in Nassau. This is my picture for the day. Anywho, I saw Hostel last night and I must say I liked it. Not a whole lot, but it had eyeball gauging (and snipping), and a plethura of boobie shots, so what's not to like I suppose. I just thought it would be a little more gory, but after all, it is not rated NC-17, so the DVD will probably be better. I am majorly desensitized to pretty much all violence, and nothing disturbs me. So really it was some much needed comic relief. Then we (Ezra and I) came home to watch my favorite show of all time, Strangers With Candy. I cannot go on enough about this show so if you have not seen it, PLEASE for Christ's sake, go watch it. It fits my sense of humor to a T, and if you watch it, you will know everything about me and what kind of comedy I like.


Well, school starts today so wish me luck, I'll need all I can get. 

These mutherfuckin boots give me such a boner. It's not even funny how bad I want these.

Here are my two precious angels Betty (wearing a little black dress), and Gordon (wearing his very attractive striped suit). They make my days easier and more interesting. Especially the fat one. He has helped me through some rough times, and I have returned the favor by cleaning up his shit on the floor and wiping up his vomit (he has bulimia). I love these fuckers 

Oh how happy I am!!!!!! Yesterdays plans to go dancin did not work out so well, but I still got to spend quality time with Aud and pick up my sweet man from the airport. Then I went back to his house and cuddled all night long then had hot ass morning sex. I missed that fella more than I care to admit, and am walking on air now that he is home. He had to go in to work, but I cannot wait to hear his crazy stories and see his crazy pictures from his trip. I'm glad that we have a good relationship and he can tell me anything (strippers, etc.), because it makes me feel like, for once, I can trust someone completely. Even though I knew that Greg would NEVER even dream of cheating on me, he basically still did with drugs and stealing all my money. I couldn't trust him for like a year that we were dating, so it really is the same thing.

Today I have to go get my school books and my parents are coming over to fix some shit around my apartment. It needs it desperetly. Then I will wait till Ezra gets off work and we will fuck all night and watch Eraserhead till the dawn. Hopefully I have a relaxing movie day and never have a stressful thing happen all day!

Wow, it's so weird when I am in a good mood. I swear the only things that put me in this kind of mood are sex and shopping. And my best friends of course.

So this about sums up my feelings about the Bahama cruise. Fuck the world. JK. No, I kind of like this picture because I just look like Al Bundy. This is really how I feel today cuz I just got home from work and am super tired and feel defeated by the devil customers at the Mustard Seed. I can't wait for Indie Dance Nite tomarrow because I will be with my girls dancin my ass off, and then I will go sneak in Ezra's bed and smooch him all over. Golly, I missed that boy while he was away. He makes me a happy little clam. He also makes my clam happy if you know what I'm saying...nudge nudge. Damn I'm horney. This is the longest it's been since we have not had sex in the 5 monthes we have been dating. I'm feeling the burn. Tomarrow my celibate streak is over and it's back to hot monkey love all over everything. Oh mooshie, how i've missed you. 

HIIIII
My name is Mustard Seed Market & Cafe and I am trying to kill Theresa Wolff.
Any questions?

Here I am on the beach in Miami, freezing my ass off and holding some sort of bone that I found on the beach. Kim got really mad at me because she said it was only a chicken bone, but I know that it was really some sort of crazy ass creatures bone. So I saved it to give to Ezra for him to throw away later! Ungrateful bastard...