Oh...

...and here's some more pictures of my hair. Did I mention that I fucking love it?

She's sure fine lookin' man, she's somthin' else!

I just had the best/worst day ever. It started with a hole in my power steering area that involved me racing to the gas station, using all my might just to turn the wheel, to grab two bottles of fluid and doin' what my Daddy taught me, which is to get greasy and do it your fucking self! Then I went to the Dentist, which I love, to find out that I have two cavities (my first ones ever). The hygienist told me I have the best oral hygiene that she has ever seen and then the doctor fucker comes in, without even saying hi mind you, and tells me I have two cavities. They are super small, so I get some prescription toothpaste to hopefully eradicate the issue. What the fuck ever.

Then I go out to eat with my mommy and go to my haircut appointment. Now, I haven't gotten a haircut in a little over a year because I HATE every hairdresser I've ever had because they don't LISTEN! So I was teetertottering on whether or not I wanted to cancel, but like the champ that I am, I said FUCK IT, let's do this. And oh was it ever done. I fucking love my hair. Like a lot. It's perfect and just what I wanted. I know, what kind of self-abosorbed vain biatch blogs about her fucking hair? ME, motherfucker, that's who. I was mega excited to show Ezra and he said, and I quote "You look fucking hot". He never says shit like that. Yes, I know he loves me and doesn't need to tell me I look fucking hot everyday, but oh was I squealin' with joy like a pig in shit. I feel wonderous and nothing can stop this Wolff train from tearing up her last few days in Ohio. You have bitch tits if you aren't coming to the party because it will rule. So many people from my past will be there, you'll swear it's an episode of This is Your Life.

OK, not much to pack left, so now I'm going to make my mizzan a pineapple upsidown cake.

Fuck yeah.

Howya like me now?

I must say that not working has made me very productive. So far today (it's 2:25) I have taken Hatchie to see Santa with the bf, made dinner, took the pup for a walk and worked out with the Girls Next Door on Exercise TV. Whew. I dig this. I thought I would be stuck watching TV, but I actually have energy and motivation to do stuff. A gal could get used to this.

Watch out world, Dancin' Wolffie is coming to town. Last night, at Girl Talk, I danced so fucking hard that I have 2 blisters on each toe. My dance card was full and I shook this here money maker like it hadn't been shook in years. I was sweating my tits off and was soaked by the time the show was over. Too bad it was at Oberlin and every spoiled scenester kid was there sporting their perfect quiff and mommy and daddy bought duds. I do wish that was my life, but then again, I would probably suck and not be the sweet ass wit that I am today. Tuesday I will be going to 80s night at Pirates Cove if anyone would care to attend. Remember folks, I have a week off until I leave, so I will go dancing every night if I have to. Or do whatever as long as it doesn't cost too much.

Ugh, Ezra is working like everyday and it sucks to beat the band. I know that we live together, but I thoroughly enjoy spending time with him. Whatever, I've got other fish to fry. So to speak. Not really, I'm kinda bored. And horny. Good thing Ezra only works til 6. I'm getting a haircut on Tuesday and am going to get short bangs again. Who cares? Whatever bye.

Phooey

I am up to my tits in shoes/clothes/books/SHIT. I hate packing at whittling down my lovely stuff into piles of what I need (which, according to Ezr, is like two boxes) and don't need (almost everything).

I hit a new low today, when Ezra was in the shower, I had to shit so bad that I stood near the litterbox and almost went in there. I didn't, and just made Ezra hurry up, but I totally could have. I couldn't hold it (big salad last night) and it was massivly poking out. I hate myself sometimes.

Not working is very time consuming with the television and all. I like it.

I feel lightheaded with stress and the shit I must get done.

It's such a good vibration.

Marky Mark and the Funkybunch are very underrated. Just that one hit, I mean...

Anywhat...I may be losing my mind. I all of a sudden remembered a time when my best ex boyfriend, Casper, and I were at our friend Leslie's house on West Blvd., and were on acid. We did this quite often, eat acid, almost everyday for an entire summer (not to mention most of our relationship). We loved walking around Edgewater park wasted and watching the sunset on the city of Cleveland, which I liked then. Well one day, we fed her dog a jar of peanut butter while she was sleeping, and were both awestruck on how completely awesome this looked. So I remembered that time and fed Hatchetface some PB. It's not the same. A dog eating PB on acid is probably the best thing ever. Right next to doing acid with your best friend in the entire world and feeling a connection. Alas, my days of acid eating are LONG gone, I've wigged out 1 too many times and am an old lady now. I don't know why I'm thinking of this other than to say that I MISS CASPER. He moved to NYC and although we shared a relatively short relationship (6 months) it is going on a 10 year friendship that is one of the best I've ever had. I still talk to him every once in a while, and see him when he comes home. But I love him and will never have a friendship like his again.

Well, I found out that I got two A's in two classes and the rest are up for discussion. This semester has been one of the most difficult one's that I have had to endure and am utterly glad that it is almost done.

One thing I've realized this year is that it is very unnecessary to freak out when bad things happen. One should just "roll with the punches" so to speak and chalk everything up to experience. This may be the end of the proverbial "Wolff freak out". Life goes on and as long as you have good people around you, everything is copasetic. I love that word.

This moving thing has really brought me to reflect on my 26 years and what I have learned. A whole lot actually. I've also figured out that I am really in love and that is the one thing that is mega-scary. How do you keep a relationship going that you are genuinely happy in? Anyone...Bueller? I can only do what I do best, and that is to be who I am. The gross girl that made Ezra obsessed with me in the first place. It also freaks me out that we never, truely fight. Does that mean that we are passionless?? I don't believe so. I believe that enforces our proverbial bond and it really makes life more simple. I've also learned that friendships grow more complicated. It's not as easy as it used to be. Especially with girls. I haven't figured out why that is, but I'm sure I will.

Wow...aren't I contemplative? A little too much for a Thursday afternoon, I suppose...

I heart Luda.

I am so done with work it's not even funny. The Mustard Seed is a flushed turd. And for my final closing announcement to get the custies out of the store I said "FUCK OFF". HAHAHAHAHa. It's really done. The day I've been dreaming of for 7 years is finally part of my past. Word 'em up. Now I have two weeks today to spend in Ohio. If anyone wants to make out with me or tell me off or fight me, do it now or forever hold your bladder.

I had the best tattoo idea and none of yuns will believe the lengths ofhillarity that this super fan is going to. Oh you'll dig the fuck out of it.

AHHHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm moving. In with Lisa who seems to be the ying to my yang. I'm going to try to work at the porn store.

Now I've gotta get this dye out of my locks so adios bitches!

Wee Willy Wolffy

Ezra's home!! Yepper, he came rollin' in on Tuesday night, but it wasn't a surprise, for I could smell him coming a mile away. That boy's stench made my eyes water. Usually, I don't mind a little man stank, but this was pushing even MY filthy limits. I forgave the vileness, smothering him with hugs and kisses and cuddles. He even stole me a lawn pink flamingo from a putt-putt course. Le sigh. We went straight to bed and he arose with me early, ignoring the permeating foulness emanating from his body, and did the deed like it hadn't been done in a week. Nice.

Well, now I appear to be snowed in. So I did what any other red blooded weirdo would do and started burning candles (I'm trying to use them up so I don't have so many). I'm also really bored. I've packed most of my DVDs up and there is nothing on the telly. I will go to the gym later, but I wanna watch TV. Now. Blah.

I have two days of work left and nothing has ever felt so good. I get to be my regular sarcastic, nasty self to these idiot customers and let them know that yes, their question is stupid and no, I don't know a good regimen for a colon cleanse. Lick my taint. I don't have to learn the stupid new produce procedures or push gift certificates that no one wants. Fuck you Seed. I never loved you.

Well, I'm going to go occupy myself with, oh I don't know, STUDYING. That's a novel idea. Spanish seems so trivial now that I know I'll never have to take it again. EVER.

All I've been doing is reading. Augusten Burroughs, David Sedaris, and Francesca Lia Block are invading my cranium and I love it. Someone start a book club with me. Ahem, Lisa.

MMMM-Bop

I fucking hate people that are so fucking self absorbed especially on Myspace and their own damn dumb blogs. No one cares about the drama that ensues only after you yourself start it and expect people to give you a damn and their precious attention. It's not reality and you are not in my reality so fuck off. This does not pertain to Amy.


With that said, WILL EZRA PLEASE COME HOME NOW? This is really getting ridiculous. I wanna do it and I wanna cuddle and I wanna talk about my new home and the closet space. I don't want to go to school today because it snowed and I just wanna make the house clean for my baby. I am feeling very bratty today and predict that I will feel this way all day. So I will make potato chedder soup and clean the house and watch Fashion File on the DVR. Jesus Christ on a Crotchrocket do I miss my boyfriend.

Fuck Spanish, fuck idiots, fuck snow and fuck the fuck out of Christmas. Come visit me someone. Or rather, don't cuz I'm feeling ripe (from not showering) and rude (from lack of sex). Finals week can not come soon enough.

I need to hear live music and dance the night away.

Save me from myself on this dreary day of December.

Disaster is my middle name.

So this week has been tumultuous at best and disheartening at worst. What am I saying it's not all that bad. See, right now I'm sitting at the computer with a chocolate mask on my face that the supplement lady gave me. I look like a dirty hobo or a man with black face. It's amusing. I can almost guarantee that when I wash it off the sink water will look like diarrhea. Which will also be something to see. This is what my life has come to I suppose. That's what happens when your boyfriend and good girlfriend skip town. My birthday was bittersweet because it involved everyone showing some love for me, but my moosh left for the first dump of our stuff to Texas. It's all happening. I also found out that I don't have to take Spanish anymore and that I will be graduating in approx. one year. Yes, there will be more school after that, but I will have two degrees under my panties and one more to go until I can have a career. What this means is that it feels good. Like Tony Toni Tone said. Ya get me?

I also got to spend mucho time alone with myself and my puppy and that was also wonderful. I watched two seasons of the L Word and now I want to have a girlfriend again. I've told Ezra from the get go that he is my last man relationship and if it doesn't work, I'm going back to the puss. No offense to the men, but the girls are way hotter. Crazier, but hotter. I cleaned my room, went through more of my clothes and exercised. Nice and relaxing. But I miss my Ezra. It's not the same without him and it feels like a family when we are together. Blah. Sappiness is not a good side of me.

Shopping with my ma was wonderful and I got three HUGE bags of clothes. I am really excited about this leopard print tight dress I got for our going away party. I am going all retro and will be all hot. I gotta go out with a bang ya'll!

On a darker note, I got in another fight with Amy. Same shit and I'm done as fuck. I am not dealing with bullshit from anyone. I will find new friends and friends that won't fuck me over. Life is too short to spend time worrying about someone who doesn't give a shit about me. I have less than a month left to spend here and don't want to waste it.

I have also figured out what I good friend I have in Karen. We have gotten very close and I love her to death. She is honest and upfront and very fun. I am sad to be leaving her.

I've decided that I want to work at a porn shop in Texas. Or a clothing store. Either will work.

Greg has been dead for one year tomorrow. I loved him and I probably always will. I will never get over this hurdle in my life. He made me feel beautiful and smart and stole all of my money. He built me up in a way that I will never ever be built up again and he was a lying drug addicted fool. Life is dichotomous and I hate it. Everything is full of two extremes and nothing can ever, EVER be perfect. That's why I'm happy with Ezra. He isn't the sweetest boyfriend and can sometimes be insensitive, but he is stable and there for me. I love him with all my heart and will do anything to keep us working. I want to be with him for a very long time. And the sex is great.

My brain and heart are in knots. I wish things were different but they are not. I wish to death that Amy loved me like I love her and I wish that she was the way she used to be. I wish that our friendship wasn't ending the way that it is.

Well, it's bedtime. I hope sleep comes easy for me. Without Ezra, it's hard to sleep.

Geez Louise.

OHHHH it's been so long again. How dry I am for posting material. Well, it's more like, how busy I am. Between work and school and moving, I hardly have time to scratch my beav. But here I am, and here we go...

First off, how 'bout I only have 7 days of work left?!?! That is amazing considering I have been employed by the Mustard Seed for 7 fucking years. That is like 1/3 of my entire lifetime. It's a perplexing idea to wrap my mind around. I mean, I've had other jobs but none as impacting as that hellhole. I've made friends there that I cherish more than I can ever even begin to describe and it has given me wonderful job experience, for I have a "manager" title that goes in my resume. Although being a manager at the Mustard Seed means dodging mucho responsibility and going to Borders for long coffee breaks, but hey, who's counting? This is a gigundo turning point in my life, so I'm putting on my Red Baron goggles and going at it full force. I'm leaving this part of my life behind so I can start the new proverbial chapter.

Second off, only 1 month left until the big move. I'm really anxious about it and don't really want to talk about it, so we'll leave that to a later post.

Whee, my birthday is tomarrow!!!! I love my birthday and really don't mind getting older. I still look good so shiiittttt. Jokin'. I am kind of a freak about taking care of my skin. Spf, moisturizer, serum, eye cream and the like all make up the menagerie of products that I apply on the daily so that I don't prematurely age. Plastic surgery for my face is something I would NEVER consider so I have to take good care of it so I age gracefully. Boob lift, sure. No presents this year from or for the BF because our present to each other is getting the eff out of Ohio. I did buy myself a teeny little present from Urban Outfitters, but Ezra doesn't have to know about that, now does he?

Well, I gotta go get all purdy for my honey because he is taking me to a nice joint for din-din. Then it's commense lovemaking!!!!

Oh whoa as me...

...not really, but I'm having some mental turmoil of sorts and I guess I just need to sort everything out that's going on in my cranium.

I'm freaking out about moving. First of all, I've saved up a good sum of moolah from working since I was 14 years old and I'm gonna have to crack into that in order to locate the family down to Texas. That is freaky. Any way we go about it, It's going to cost us about 1000 each just to GET down to Texas, with the van (renting or buying is the same cost) and gas and truck stop purchases. Even if I pack the food for the whole ride down there it's gonna cost a boat load. On top of that, what if Ezra can't get a job. It will be no prob for me to find some retail-ass job (hopefully not at Whole Foods, but you go with what you know, I guess), but what about him. You can't exactly work any job with tattoos on your hands and neck. Ugh. The worst "what if" in my list of worries is what if it doesn't work with Ezra and I? I don't live in some happily ever after land where everything is peaches and cream. I've dealt with crushed dreams and relationships before and I know that it can happen. It will more than likely happen. I mean maybe not, we love each other tremendously, but money problems can fuck shit up like nothing else. I have to face the facts that if I'm in Texas and we break up, he's all I have. Ben and Lisa are Ezra's friends first so basically I'm stuck. I've come to realize that I'm not the most friendly person and the fact that I don't have many friends (nor can I stand many people for more than a few hours) has made me open to the vulnerability I have towards Ezra. He is my best friend, and I love to be around him. He never annoys me and always comforts me, most of the time unintentionly, so he is the one who I am around the most. I hate depending on ANYONE for my happiness, but I've found myself ever-reliant on Ezra's presence, I love when I come home from work and he's there and vice versa. I've finally started sharing with him my fears and feelings, in turn, making me open to hurting and all of that junk that comes with being in a relationship with someone. Fuck, I'm scared. I will miss my mother and my work friends. I hate feeling this way. I hate that I'm crying while I'm writhing this and I HATE being scared.

I don't know. I know I have to do this, but I hate how I feel. How unsure I am. I know I'm scaring Ezra and he thinks that I will back out. I won't. I love him so much and want to take this step with him. I had one of those pregnancy scares last week (everyone has them), I got my period, but we talked about having a baby. It wouldn't be so bad. I wouldn't do it, I have too much to look foreward to, career wise, but we COULD do it. Oh, shut up Theresa, everyone thinks that way. Love is nothing but chemicals and pheremones, why does everyone think that their love is real? All love is real, but all love is fleeting. I'm rambling. When you realize that you need someone, it takes a piece of your self-confindence away. Because what would you be left with if they left? A mess. Less of a person. One that you have to rebuild and that takes fucking time. A long time.

I guess I'd rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery.

Blah, I need to go shopping.

The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out...

Boo! I love Halloween, even though it has kind of felt over since the par-tee, and this weekend for TV is nothing short of spectacular! The DVR box is practically busting at the seems with various recorded blather, such as food shows, movies and specials on Fred Gwynne. That is why I requested this weekend off of work. To watch TV! It is most certainly not lame because this is what I look foreward to every year.

Anywho, we found the Flesh Falcon. It is a 1988 flesh colored conversion van with 73,000 miles on it and in great shape. OMG it has a sink, toilet, bathtub, microwave, stove, bed, and it is FLESH COLORED! This has seriously been my dream since I can remember and I'll be fucked if I'm letting it get away. I can just picture Ezra and I on the open road with Hatchie between us, Ezra puffin' on a pipe with a captians hat and me with a mumu and rollers with fuzzie slippers. This Flesh Falcon called and I answered it's howl with open arms. Seriously, it is beautiful. I'm gonna try to recruit Lisa into helping me reapholster it with velour seat cushions and shag carpeting. Then the four of us are going to go pick us up some Mexicalli hookers (boys or girls) and have a orgy to rival all orgies that have come before. I'm obsessed with this van. After we went to look at it yesterday, we went to Top Gun Tacos, which was right next door and got sick off some nasty microwaved Mexican food. Their tortilla chips were Cool Ranch Doritos for Chrissakes. Oh Brookpark, how you have the Flesh Falcon and the worst taco place ever. The dichotomy is killing me.

Soooo I don't have to work for the 5th day in a row. It is amazing. I think I will do nothing until my mother comes over and takes me out to eat. Oh, and I ordered my boootiful boots on the internet today and I will be oh so happy when they arrive. Lurve is in the air.

Also, I think I'm kind of over Kate Moss. She's looking mighty busted lately and getting married to that fucking train wreck of a Brit. Don't judge me. I love celebrity gossip. My life is boring (I'm cool with that) and I need to revel in the lives of Nicole Richie and Kate. www.gofugyourself.com is a really good website because all it does is mock celebrity fashion and that's basically what I do to the general public. Heehee.

Anywayzzzz all is good in Wolffville, so I must go. Many movies are calling my name to be watched!

I heard your mom wears underwear with dick holes in them.

Gd it. The thoughts occurring in my head are as follows:
*Can I puh-lease get some more money so's I can go more shopping. It's been SOOOO long.

*Why hasn't something gone wrong in my life for a hot minute? I mean besides the totally dealable random stuff (friends hating me, school is mad hard, yo...etc.), life has been a piece of pumpkin cheesecake. Everything is beyond great with Ezra, my happiness level with him has plateaued (sp?) at a very comfortable level. I got into U of T, moving is going as planned, my parents aren't TOO mad at me for abandoning them for the Lone Star State. This is not right folks. I am a walking calamity and a magnet for crazy stupid drama. Not dumb girly drama such as fighting with my friends or boyfriend jealousy issues, but like death drama. I have had two ex-boyfriends that have bit the dust, 2 cousins having young untimely deaths and the usual grandparents, plus some random stupid shit. Everyone deals with death, but I have to face it on a biyearly basis. Knock on wood right? Be happy nothing is going wrong, right? Oh contraire mi amigos, that bitch named life has suprised me oh so many times when I wasn't expecting it, so these fists are staying raised...the urban streetfighter gloves are going to stay donned. I know what's coming next and I'm gonna be waiting.

*The friday the 13th party was awesome.

*I am beginning to get really excited about moving. Especially with all the talks of hobo parties with Lisa.

*I am hungry. Someone make me some fall foods, such as potato chedder soup or some sort of squash dish.

I fucking love my dog and my boyfriend. Sleeping with both of them entertwined in cowboy sheets is the best feeling in the world. Ezra has really turned my life around and has been everything I could have ever asked for in a boyfriend and a best friend. We have so much in common and it feels so good to never have to fight with someone and worry about dumb shit. He makes me happy. Like a lot.

*I hope that I get to see my friends soon. I want to cuddle and drink tea and watch movies and eat comfortable foods. And talk shit about other people. Come on my faithfull followers, you don't think I'm getting soft on ya now, do ya?

Love ya.

Donde Esta Santa Claus?

Wow. What a crazy last few couple of days. Just kidding, it wasn't that crazy in the eyes of some people, but madly crazy in my eyes (which never see any action). I had four days off in a row which ruled my school. Wednesday night I went to Ladytron with Angie and Amy, two of my favorite girls and we danced the night away! The best part of the night was when this cute gay boy came and sat down next to me when I was getting some air and said "It's a mother fucking fag fest in there and I'm lovin it!". Lord knows I love them gays. Then on Thursday Ezra and I met Angie and Ryan in stupid Cleveland and I drank vodka tonics and ate a Xanax. That's about all I can remember from that little excursion.

Friday we did nothing but go the the bar for a little while and sit around and hung out. I wanted to go to a haunted house but, per usual, I was shot down. No one is any fun.

Saturday was the horror convention and I proceeded to get drunk and break the clothes hanger thingy in the hotel room and take pictures of every horny nerd in the joint with Karen as my accomplice. Fun times.

That's really just it. I don't really feel like getting deep into anything heavy right now, so I'll just continue to watch horror movies (3 so far today) and nurse this hangover, all the while waiting for Ezra to get home from work so I can fuck his brains out.

Motherfuck Death Row, and Here Comes My Left Blow!

Blargh. I feel yucka. I'm sitting home alone with a headache while everyone else is at the bar having fun. I can't really explain why I feel bad, it's bizarre. I feel kind of insecure with a tad of the lonliness. So I'll type a while and maybe I'll feel better.

So, I (my mom rather) got the letter from Greg's grandmother with the coroner's report on Greg's death. Wait, not the coroner's report, the autopsy report. My mom won't give it to me. She says there is nothing in the report that I don't already know. Asphyxiation, contents of stomach, etc. I don't know how I feel about this. There were no drugs in his system. Oddly enough, that is not at all comforting to me. Maybe if he WAS on drugs I wouldn't feel as if it were so much my fault. I totally feel as if it IS my fault and that weighs heavy on my soul. I mean HEAVY. Anyway, I think I'm going to read it anyway. Closure perhaps? We'll see.

I got accepted to U of T. Fucking weird. Now I have a question. Is there any way to make moving away from my parents any easier than it seems to be (which is not easy at all)? I tell you what, the closer this moving day draws, the more freaking nervous I become. Will Ezra and I continue to get along? What if we break up? What if Ben and Lisa decide that they hate my slimy greasy gopher guts and kick me out on the streets? I'll be forced to panhandle at the Alamo. No one is going to give a white girl spare change when there are so many illegal immagrants roaming about. Seriously though. I'm nervous. I love my parents and see them like a million times a week, so obviously I will miss the fuck out of them.

God I seriously have no friends.

I know you are going to read this Amy, but I have to write it anyway. What is going on with you? I know you are going to say nothing, but you are a COMPLETELY different person. I know you are growing up and discovering yourself and whatnot, but I really feel that you are losing yourself in the process. Ok, yes I am bitter because you never seem to want to see me anymore, but outside of that issue I still feel that you are comprimising who you are. You are losing what makes you such a special person and it scares the shit out of me. I truly love you for who YOU are, not who you are at Hiriam, or with a mohawk. I'm sure you are taking this the wrong way, hell, I would, but believe me, I'm only speaking in your best interest because I love the fuck out of you. You are a kind, sweet and amazing person and although I am extremely sad that I am losing you as a friend, I am even more devestated that you are losing who you are deep down. I love you and only want the best for you. Moosh.

That's all. I'm going to lay down and watch a movie. Horror of course, because it's October and that's all Ezra and I are watching the whole month.

Sigh.

It's that time again!

Hello my fellow spookers and spookettes, the great big dial of Mama Nature has spun around again and now all is right with the world...aka it's Fall! I'll have to ask Lisa how fall is in Texas, b/c I don't kow if I'll be able to live without the wonder that it holds for me. Halloween is my lifesblood and I dig it more than you could ever know. I'm a sucker as soon as they put that shit out in the stores, I buy it all. I'm really excited for our party and it's going to be rockin and frightenin' all the night through.

You know when you haven't had sex for like a week for various reasons (this time being Ezra's massivly sick) and when you finally do it is crazy awesome and it's like both of you can't wait to touch the other and you both come really fast and it's a blur of bodies and juices? Yeah, that rules. It's one of my top reasons for living. Happened last night. Sorry.

So Aud (my bff who lives in Vegas) came for a two week stay and it wasn't so good for our friendship. She was mad at me, unjustly, for I have so much workload right now it's not even funny (even though as we speak, I'm supposed to be in Spanish class, but I had massive diarreah and couldn't get off the toilet in time) and I couldn't spend a lot of time with her. That really blows cuz she took it personal and it is bullshit. Angie is the same way when she comes. Neither of them can fathom the concept of school and exactly how much work is involved. Aud has no desire to have a career and Angie doesn't even work because she has a quasi-famous boyfriend to take care of her every want and need. I don't have that. I have goals and dreams and don't want anyone to take care of me ever. I'm stubborn like that yo.

Anywho, I'm still a lonesome cowgirl, with no other cowgirls to wrangle with. It sucks, but at least I have Ezra to entertain me. P.S. it's not the same :(

Here's some advice:

Don't buy a dehydrator at a thrift store. I tried to dehydrate strawberries and all I got was fruit flys.

Buy the vegan creamer PACKETS from veganessentials (this one's for you Jen) they are good for travel coffee and good for me cuz I can't drink coffee without creamer and non-dairy creamer has milk in it. Go figure.

Don't be the best thing ever for Halloween last year (like I did) cuz this year you will not be able to live up to it. I was thinking I'd be a bearded lady. Stupid.

Don't live with 4 cats. The litter has to be changed every day. No joke.

That's all. Love ya's!

ARGH!

Halloween stuff is being put out! What can I be this year that will top last? Nothing's going on, just thought I would put that out there.

Look at me, here I am, right where I belong.

Hola boys and girls! Como estan?

Well, school has reared it's uggo head and It's time for an old fashioned freak out by none other than Theresa Elizabeth Wolff! As you all know I do love me some learnin', but knowledge does come at a price. That price is nothing less than actual money, for I have to cut my work hours down. Now, I'm sure ya'll think this should be a fairly painless procedure, but as Bugs Bunny would say, "He don't know me very well, do he?". I have worked 40ish hours for the last 6 years of my life and it ain't an easy task cuttin' that down, even if it is by only about 8 hours. I rely on that money and love saving. This caused a very turmoiled brain. Thank heavens for Ezra, and after hours of coaxing, he convinced me to let him pay my half of rent for the time being. I will owe him when I have a career and he is able to take some time off to write his children's book. Granted, that will be in around five or so years if we are still together. But I really have a good feeling that we will be. I know EVERYONE feels that they will be together forever and ever, but I don't feel like forever is necessarily the correct word or even possible. I do, however, feel that Ezra and I are a very good match and I really, REALLY, love him. He makes me happy. Genuinely happy. All of the time. Yes, he is stupid and talks about my moustache too much on the wrong day, but daggone it, that shit doesn't matter. He doesn't have to fawn over me like previous boyfriends to prove that he loves me. He doesn't have to buy me stuff to prove I'm the one he wants to be with. It's a common knowledge between the two of us, and that, my friends is something I have never experienced before. Never mind the fact that we are WILDLY attracted to each other. Especially now that he has a ducktail and a handlebar moustache. Turnin' me on left and right, that boy is.

ANYWHO, I know not everyone wants to hear about my sex life (email me privately and I will give details!), so here is the rest of my existance as of late...

I hate my job, the boss that took my place sucks a fuck.
I still need some girlfriends.
Living with three boys means that the house is ALWAYS messy and smelly, cats I can handle, boys are gross as all get out.
My dog brings me more joy than I care to mention and I am certifiably obsessed with her.
I sent my transcripts to San Antonio and I am one step closer to escaping the midwest.
Good shows are coming up, the question now is will anyone actually go with me to any of them.
Ezra got us an iPOD and I dig the fuck out of it.
Salsa party is tomarrow!

Well my fateful friends, I must be going...Life awaits.

P.S. My title is from the movie Muppets Take Manhatten if you didn't know, now go watch it bitches!

Negative Ghost Writer

Wow I am slacking again. I knew it would happen. Working 40+ hours a week is not conducive to productive blogging. I will give you a run down of my week...here goes:

Thursday 10th- Ezra and I went to Ann Arbor to get tattooed. I was hellbent on finishing my left forearm and getting my mummy I have been wanting. Alas, the night before I could not for the life of me figure out how I wanted it to look. So I went with the spur of the moment back up of the vampire pug. Good game, Wolff...it looks awesome. I love it and love the girl who put it on my body. She will finish both my forearms before I leave, hopefully.

Friday 11th- Art show, art show! I had to work until nine, so I couldn't be there from the git go, but I came anyway super excited to suppport my mizzan. His stuff was for sure the best and I was super duper proud of him. He's one of those annoying people who can make things that he wants to happen, happen. Unlike yours truely. I suck at pretty much everything artistic, no big deal though, I've come to grips with that fact. And I got my serial killer paintings out of the deal too. One of Dahmer (le sigh) and Ramirez. Came home to some killer sex, too.

Saturday 12th- Ummmm...I can't remember if I did anything. Oh I didn't. Worked and watched the Buddy Holly story. Fucking Busey.

Sunday 13th- Holy fuck, best day ever. Started it off by working 9 to 3, then coming home, dyed my locks, because my grey was overpowering my life, and got mega hot for the show that night. What show, you ask? FUCKING TOM WAITS. OMG it was amazing. Life changing to be exact. That man was phenomenal. Breathtaking. Left my quivering in my ballet shoes and red lipstick. Jim Jarmusch was sitting behind us too. Pretty fucking sweet. Fuck all of you who said I paid too much for my ticket (I would have paid triple). Worth every red cent.

Monday 14th- Um nothing. Worked 8-4, napped, watched Flavor of Love with Ezra and Ryan. Best fucking show on TV. I normally would say Project Runway is the best, but it is frustrating me as of late, they keep kicking all of my peeps off. Anyone that resembles Crispen Glover/Carlos D. (from Interpol) is panty saturating in my book of love. It's not over yet. If they kick my black dude off, I'm stopping the viewing. Probably not, I'm all talk.

Tuesday 15th- Worked 12-9. Came home, went to Erin's (akron) and had a fun time at a little gathering. I really like all of Ezra's friends. They make me feel welcome and they dig Ezra and I together. It makes me feel good.

Wednesday 16th- Worked 12-9. Came home, showered and watched V for Vendetta. I don't get how people said it sucked. I mean I wouldn't see it again, but I enjoyed watching it. I like post-apocalyptic movies anywho. 1984 is one of my fav's. You couldn't even tell that the Matrix people directed it, except for this really cheesy sword throwing scene where there were little acid trails following the swords. That was towards the end though.

Today!- Ezra and I's one year anniversary. Doesn't really mean much, but it is sort of cool that we have gone a year and have never had a huge fight, never had a dry sex period and still really get along and make each other laugh. It feels nice. I really look foreward to continuing my life with him and moving to Texas together. He's my rock and roll.

Tomarrow- We (moosh and me) are going to the Andy Warhol museum in Pittsburgh for our anniversary trip. He's never been, and I love the floor with the cum paintings and glory holes. Romance is in the air!

Thanks for listening to my ever boring life. Shit is good right now, so I have no strife to write about. Good for me, boring for ya'll!

fuck the world

I seriously feel like such a cow pile of shit. When am I going to stop hating my self/body/everything? Does this ever go away? I think not. I really hate Myspace and I think I'm going to delete my account. I don't need to talk to these people that much anyway (except Lisa). It drives me crazy. I hate being nosy and it's a petty idiotic thing anyway. Oh look at me, look at me...look at all these crazy poses and how hot my bod is. I totally fell into it and now I'm done.

I'm really freaking out.

Fuck the world. Fuck everyone. Fuck comparing myself to other people. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

In other news, I'm not going to Baltimore because Ezra and I are broke. I need to save money because we are for sure moving to Texas. For sure. And we are getting tattooed in Ann Arbor on Thursday and that will run me like 200 dollars. Oh sheesh.

I'm going. Sorry I'm being a spaz, but I'm sick of feeling like shit all the time.

Money talks, but it can't sing and dance!

So, here are some points I have been pondering...
1) I would have a kick ass body if I were a few inches taller. I think my dance classes stunted my growth. I have a really short torso.

2) I am really happy that Amy is spending the night tonight. I already bought my bottle of vodka and queued up some traxxx to have a dance party to. We decided that we are going to have some riotgrrl fun and make mayhem and be destructo. Wheee!

3) Ezra and I got into an lover's quarrel the other night. Repeat: my boyfriend loves me and is not against me, I do not have to have 35oo barriers up to protect myself from being trampled on. He is on my side. He does not play games with me to make me think that he is being distant. My mind is the one that plays mind games on my mind (uh, what?).

4) I want to have a kid. Bad. Is it because I'm 25 and my clock is ticking? Is it because I got a doggy and I like being a mom? I dunno. Freaky as fuck though.

5) My hair is approx. 60-70% grey. Not that this bothers me a whole lot (thank christ for hair dye), but I'm aweful young for this to be going down. My parents were well into their thirties when they went grey. Curse you cruel world for forcin' me to bear these burdens!!

6) Strangers with Candy movie was sweet. Damn sweet.

That's all I got for now.

The power of Filth compels me!

Sorry about the mondo depresso post. Life just catches up with me sometimes and if you know me I DON'T talk about my feelings ever to anyone. This does help me not to have to look at someone in the eye when I pour my guts out. It really bothers Ezra that I bottle everything up. It upsets him and I feel bad for that, but I despise crying in front of anyone. That's why I wait to talk to him about anything that bothers me until we are lying in the bed, in the dark, ready to go to sleep. That way if I cry, he won't see me do it. I know, I'm weird. You know what else is weird? The fact that my dog takes my dirty underwear out of the laundry basket and licks the crotch. She really is her father's daughter.

Anywho, my weekend consisted of, per usual, work! Friday was good though. Ezra tattooed me and I finally got my John Waters tribute tattoo! It is a pink flamingo with a broken egg rose and a banner that says "filth is forever". Because it really is, forever, it will last my whole life through. I'm gross and not afraid to show it. I never shower, never wash my hair and am a dirty, filthy, naughty little girl. And I have the boyfriend to prove it. And, if you realize it, it really fucking kills to get the inside of your arm tattooed. It was a loverly shade of swollen and purple, so after the flakes peel off and my arm gets down to normal size I will, I repeat WILL take pictures for those who don't have access to my beautiful flesh all of the time. It is pretty sweet, I must say. When Ezra and I go to Baltimore (!) on the 12th of August, I'm going to drop a letter with a picture included off at Atomic Books, so maybe, just maybe, the love of my life will write me back and send me something. Hey, it's worth a shot! After I got my pain inflicted, we went to a family function and had a good goddamn bbq. Yummers. The evening ended with Roza, Ryan, No Serious, Ezra and I watching a special on boobs and watching Best Week Ever drinking Margarita's. Word. The rest of the weekend was work and studying, nothing else.

This week proves to be good though. After my espanol test is the Strangers With Candy movie (yes, I'm trying again, but trust me I will never go to Cedar Lee again)(unless a John Waters flick is playing there). Amy is coming over on Thursday and Kimmie is coming over on Tuesday. Whoopee! And next week are finals!!!!! No more stress, for two weeks at least.

Off I go to school, wish me luck on my test!

If you're hurtin', so am I

So I was driving back from getting a splederific rub down today and Joey by Concrete Blonde came on the radio (My Sirus radio got stolen and I have no CD player or tapes), and I started bawling. See, I really relate to that song because it reminds me of everything I went through with Greg. If anyone out there has ever dated a drug addict, you know how unbearably difficult it is to watch a person you love spiral into a hole so deep that you can't even see their former self anymore. The lyrics of that song really get to me. I have no idea if she is singing about drugs, but it fits me so well. I would have done anything to help Greg. It was so sad seeing him go through something that I could not help him with. Or even understand. I have never been addicted to anything in my entire life, so I had no idea what he was going through.

When she says If it's love you're lookin for/I can give a little more, that is EXACTLY what it's like. Because Greg was looking for love unconditionally, which he has never had before, and I wanted nothing more than to give that to him. But after 34 years of people running out on him and treating him bad, he didn't kow how to recieve it. Drugs took over.

I will never forget the look on his face when he told me he stole my money. He was crying harder than I've ever seen a man cry in my life and was regressing to childlike behavior. Grabbing on me, and holding me so tight. I wanted to die. I wasn't even mad at all, but I knew it was completely over. I felt so bad for him and just held him as I waited for my mother to pick me up from the apartment. After someone wipes out your bank account, how could you not punch them in the face? I don't know.

I wish these memories would go away. But it's all I have of him. I burned everything else after he committed suicide. All I have is this computer that I'm typing on and some random letters at my parent's house. Oh, some stolen dvd's from blockbuster too.

Daddy Gasolina

Oh sweet jesus I am bored as fuck. I really should be studying, but I am having too much fun screaming out things about cock to my roomates.

So I feel really bad about something. Yeah, all that shit that happened with Rob is crappy and now he is going to be part owner of Hooligans b/c the old owner sold it. I feel bad for Ezra b/c he put so much time into that place, and he could have had the chance to have ownership. Now he can't because of me. Granted, we probably wouldn't be together for much longer if he did own a shop (I desperately want to move, and refuse to stick around here for anything/one), but it is a shitty situation that I DO NOT want him to resent me for. Which he doesn't. I'm just an apologetic fool. I always feel bad for shit I can't control.

My life is really crazy right now. Does anyone else ever feel like they can't get a grasp on their own life. I just can't get on top of things no matter how hard I try. I'm like the sweet donkey that has a carrot tied to her head on a stick and she just keeps walkin towards it, hoping she can grab that shit. I can't. My money is out of control, school is out of control, work is out of control. It just sucks. I'm like those dubbed movies that have the lines being said a second after the mouth moves. Alright, alright, enough with the analogies already, you get it I'm sure. The only thing now uber crazy right now is Ezra. Yes Amy Kempe, I know how sick of hearing about the great Ezra you are, but seriously, he keeps me grounded. Through Greg dying, school being crazy and everything, he has been right there, unfaltering support giver that he is. Amazing. It makes me realize that all the stupid shit that he does daily (oh trust me, it is a lot), he deserves getting the best treatment a gal can give her guy. Back rubs and road head galore. Heehee. I'll even buy him some chicken patties and maybe even cook them up for him. Maybe.

Enough with the sappy shit. I'm done being a cheese ball. It is now time to shower (after 3 days) commense doin' the deed.

She's sure fine lookin man, she's somthin' else!

So, here is what is going on in my life:
1. Summer school is kicking my ass. Why did I take two classes this summer when I work full time? Oh yeah, because I'm retarded

2. Work sucks my soul out on the daily. I am so sick of this grind I could squeal. Maybe I will....squeeeeeeee.

3. I am super lonely for some girlfriends. I miss laying in my bed with Amy or Angie and talking celeb gossip and shootin the shit. I need some estrogen STAT!

4. I am really really really in love right now. Like for real. Let me tell you, I've been in some relationships in the past, but this is different. I love love right now, it's treatin' me fine.

5. I have the cutest dog on the planet, a dog that I am majorly obsessed with.

6. I have 10th row seats to see Tom Waits. Fuck yes.

I can't think of anything else. The major thing is that I need some girl time. Karen is home for the summer and we just can't seem to get in sync. Everytime we make plans, something goes awry. It suckies.

Rewind

I'm bringing it back bitches. Seriously this time. I can't help it that I stopped blogging, I honestly don't have time. But I'm going to make time. I really enjoyed blogging...and I slacked off a little. Mostly I stopped b/c Amy came home from college and didn't need to hear my goings on. But I'm back. Better than ever, if you will.

So now I live with 3 boys, 4 cats and a dog. Phew! And P-U too. Cats are fairly stinky. As are boys. So officially I have no time to myself and no space to sprawl. It's cool, I still have Ezra and Hatchie so that's all that I need. Gordon too.

Well, I'm at the jobby job now, so I swear on Gordon's sweet whiskers that I will write a mondo-post tonight. Mark my words.

Is it...a beauty treatment?

OMG am I depressed right now. See all this shit went down with Rob and it has done nothing but make me and Ezra depressed as fuck. It totally sucks because Rob blamed it all on me, which is ridiculous. I just let his comments slide because I felt that they would stop, all the while making me feel like major shit. I have been telling Ezra about it for months, and he finally got sick of it and told Rob he knew, and Rob flips the fuck out. I feel like shit because I blame myself for breaking up a friendship (Ezra wholeheartedly admits that it was not one in the first place, but I still feel so bad), plus the fact that Rob was never a friend to me either. Totally sucks ass. It has really put a damper on this whole good thing I got going on over here. Why are guys such fucking assholes? Seriously, can you be a fucking PERSON for once? I knew Rob was kind of a douche, but I never thought he would react this way. What a cock. I genuinely told Ezra because he HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW that his friend was talking shit about him to his GIRLFRIEND behind his back. I didn't even tell Ezra the extent of how he spoke to me. Fuck him, fuck dudes, fuck Ohio. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here. I am so stressed out from work and school and this bullshit, I'm suprised I'm even able to maintain.

I got a puppy, that makes some stuff better I guess.

Oh well.

i suck

So, I swear I will start writing more. I have been labia majora slacking on writing as of late. Forgive me, forgive me, forgive. I'm at work right now, so I can't write, but I promise a super long entry tomarrow. Seriously.

I GOT A PUPPY!!!!!!!!!

"Booze me up and get me high" - Anthony Zugerie a.k.a Ace

Ok, so I've decided to take a break from my 1/2 hour of taking my stuff out of boxes and putting it away because I hate doing these things. I feel like my life is defined by all of this crappity crap that I have accumulated over the years. Here is what my unpacking consists of: A gaggle of candles that I don't even burn, a shit ton of crappy monster stuff because I don't have the willpower to pass up anything that has a universal monster on it (even if it is the crappiest thing you can imagine), a massive amount of books on various subjects such as monsters, John Waters, serial killers, and deformed human babies, back issues of fashion magizines and Bizzare just in case I need outfit inspiration or to giggle a little bit at human suffering, we will not even comment on the clothes or the pieces with tags still on them, a super gigundous collection of body sprays, lotion, makeup (hey, I used to work at Sephora), and perfumes. I will spare you the rest of my junk descriptions because I want you to have some respect for me. Whatever, I can't even think of how many times through this moving process that people have asked me if I'm giving anything away. You people love me because I fill voids and all of you have self control. Well, fuck self control. I have more voids to fill, fuckers...

Anywho, I am really happy right now. Everything is going great and I am very satisfied that I made the decision to move in with Ezra. He has not made me want to chew his eyeballs out or stomp on his nuts, so all is well. At least I get to have more sex now, and that's always a plus. I've just been extremely busy and not been sleeping enough, so that always sucks.

Something has been making me think of Greg a lot, and I don't know why. It's been...hmmm...four months now since he died and I have pushed it out of my head and I finally think it's starting to float to the surface like a drowning victim. Good analogy, Theresa, way to be darker than the topic...so what do I do now? Fuck, do I go to therapy, or just let this shit fester? I don't know. Festering is my strong point, I keep it all in and develop headaches. That's what I do best. Arrrgh. Life sucks and your ex-boyfriend committing suicide because of you sucks even more testes.

Off I go back to unpacking, so Ezra can come home and tell me how much shit I have. Whatever, he asked me to move in, he knew what kind of feces he was getting himself into.

Free your mind and the rest will follow

I hate moving, I hate moving. I am utterly nervous about moving in with Ezra so soon. I SWORE I would wait at least a year before moving in with a bf and 8 months into this jazz, here I am. I love Ezra more than anything, and he is excited about having me share his digs with him, so what the hey. I have my reservations though. The fact of the matter is that I am so incredibly happy with him right now, it seems (check my record folks) that something will swing around and ruin this. I mean when i think about sharing my life with Ezra for any amount of time I get all hamster running around on a wheel feeling in my tum-tum. I love him. A lot. Yikes. It feels right. Everything that is happening right now feels right.


I need to go to a psychic.

Send me an Angel

I am dying. Literally. I have never been so sick in my life. Here's the thing about me and being sick. I am usually in complete denial that I could ever get sick, that I run myself ragged and convince myself that I am better when I am not. Grr. I have to start moving my shit into Ezra's house today, and I have no idea where to start. This will not be fun. I fucking hate moving. I fucking went to the gym for chrissake's today. What the fuck is wrong with me. Besides the fact that I am convincing myself that I have to get rid of my spare tire asap and want to look super sexy/sassy if I am going on a beach vacation with a lot of naturally skinny girls. I swear to god, everyone I know is naturally skinny. Not I, said the Wolff. I'm really on a self hatred kick today, seriously.

Phew, that was one long rant. ARRRRGGHHH I AM INSECURE TODAY!!!!! HELP ME? All of you people tell me I'm pretty and curvy and lovely. Even though Ezra encourages me to GAIN weight (yeah right sucker), I still feel monstrously grotesque. He makes me feel sexy and beautiful, but it doesn't always last and I look down at my roll or my dimple on my thigh and want to cry. America sucks. Tabloids suck. Fashion rags suck. I love them though. Well, I just bought a new workout video today, so I will do yoga bootie burlesque ballet and be toned AND curvy. Life sucks sometimes.

You can lick my royal hemroids, you fat pig!

I'm sick. Sick, sick, sick. I feel like monsters have been trampling on my skull and little buggies have invaded my nasel cavity. I am itchy and my peehole hurts. I think I have another UTI. It hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday and has only gotten worse since. I never get sick like this. It's mostly the change of weather and probably the plane ride also. This weekend was the horror convention and now I can't go. It's not fair. I am sick of being sick. My ma came over and made me some soup and gave me some meds, so hopefully I will feel better soon. Probably not.

Anywho, I saw Slither last night and it was so totally sweet. I dug the fuck out of it and it was madly funny and gross. LOVED IT. All of these black girls were in the theater and were like "Aw hell naw". Loves it.

Well the whole living situation is gonna change again. I am officially moving in with my boyfriend. Trust me, this was not supposed to happen, I really wanted to wait until at least 1 year before we moved in together. Looks like that is not going to happen. I have to get out of this house though. It totally sucks here. At least I will be saving money this way. I'm just worried this is not the right decision for us. BUT, if we are going to be living together in Austin or Tuscon, or wherever, we should start somewhere.

I'm gonna go watch all my O.C.'s that I have TVo'd. This season totally sucks though.

Don't touch me with those seman stained hands, you big ape!

I'm back from my excursion. Oh shit does it feel good to be back. Don't get me wrong, I had, per usual, the time of my life, but I missed the ole homefront.

The trip started off on a bit of a sour note, as I missed my plane. Nice. Luckily, there was another one a mere hour from the first, so it was not too much of an inconvienence. Angie picked me up and we went to eat at P.F. Changs, which proved to be un-fucking-believeable. These lettuce wraps they had were sooo great, they changed my life. Then we had all the best intentions of going out for a night on the West Chester town, but got sucked into some horrible T.V. as usual, and retired early. I was tired anyway.

The next day we both simultationsly woke up at the asshole crack of dawn and headed up for a jam-packed shopping day! My favorite extracurricular activity! We started off at King of Prussia, and were there for like 5 hours. That fucking place is gigundous. I got some good shit, no boots, to my dismay. Then we went to the Exton mall and I got some more shit. Oh shopping, why are you the only thing that gives me the least bit of pleasure in this cruel world? That night we hightailed it on down to Rex's to get in some quality RedbullVodka time. All the old favorites were there, Jackie, Justin, Zach, Donnie and Colleen. It was mondo fun, but I was very tired and we went home at like one, to sleep off the jampacked day of shopping and drinking.

I can't really remember what we did on Saturday during the day...I know we worked out...anywho, I can't remember because what happened Saturday night was probably the highlight of my existance, and will forever outshine anything else that will ever happen to me...childbirth, death, ANYTHING. Ok, so we went to this club called the 700 club which was mega cute, it looked like someone's grandma's house. This nerdy, hipster/emo dude came up to Ang and I and told us we were the sexiest girls at the bar, and that our outfits were amazing. We were very nonchalant, and said our thank yous, and were on our way. Later, as we were walking to the car after the bar, we stopped some random and asked him for directions. Lo and behold, it was the random from earlier. So he helped us find our way and we got to talking to him and somehow got on the subject of sexy underwear. He goes "I have some pretty sexy underwear on, do you girls want to see?" Fuck yes, we say and he promptly drops his drawers, revealing a lovely black, g-string, banana hammock! Oh my we say. Knowing my love for crazy people, I start snapping photos! Then he asks us if we mind if he takes down his underwear. Angie says I don't know, ask Theresa. Ladies and gents, you know my answer, so this young man drops the panties, revealing a raging hard-on! Creepy you say? Oh contraire, it was trememdously funny! Suprisingly, not weird at all. So I'm snapping away and he bends over, spreading his ass cheeks, to reveal a bountiful purple flower. This dudes asshole was stretched to no end. Beautiful! Colleen says (which is the quote of the century) "If I was single, I'd touch it". Amazing. Then the gentlefellow says, "Do you ladies mind if I masturbate in front of you?" Of course, the answer is no (I was voted out 2 against one) and we go on our way. OMG. This shit only happens to me.

The rest of the trip was uneventful compared to this event. I missed Ezra greatly, and feel happy to be home. Sigh

You can get with this, or you can get with that

I am having a major delimma right now. I cannot go into detail but it is ripping me apart inside. I have something to tell someone that I was not supposed to tell them, and I have to. HAVE to. This not only effects me, but this other person, and one other person. Something is happening and this secret that I've held for 7 months is about to come out. This will change things to no extent and I am freaking out. I feel hurt and angry and betrayed. This sucks. I don't know what to do. I'm scared. 

check out my chrissie behind...it's fine!

A).Why was I possessed with the gene that makes me hate everyone? I swear, the older I get, the my cynical I am. It's very difficult to break out of that, especially when everyone that surrounds me is so GODDAMN STUPID!!!!! Not just customers at work, everyone. I need to stop.

2). I really enjoy watching television. I went without the el stupido box for 2ish years, now I am most definetly sucked the fuck in. And since I got TiVo? Fugget about it. I have been reading alot too, to try to keep my brain from turning into pureed jell-o (sidenote: they actually DID puree jell-o at the nursing home I used to work at...sick).

iii). I MISS EZRA. AND ANGIE. AND ACE. AND AUD. AND AMY. AND DAVE. Seriously, the only people I can stand, I am not able to see when I want to. Karen is a good sub though, I like her.

Commense America's Next Top Model Marathon!!!!!!

I'm in love with a stripper

Well, my sweetie pie left today for Austin. It's bittersweet. Bitter, obviously because I will be without my best friend for six days, and considering the fact that he's pretty much the only person I can stand, that relatively sucks. Sweet, because I get to do whatever the fuck I want to without comprimising anything. Sooo, I'm going out to eat with Rob on Thursday, watching America's Next Top Model on Wednesday, and going dancing on Friday. AND having a sleepover with Amy on Saturday doing girly stuff. Fun packed weekend galore! Even after all that fun, I will still be mondo happy when I pick Ezra up from the airport Monday morning. I know it's hormones and chemicals that take the romance out of love, but daggone it, that oxytocin sure does feel good while it lasts. It's difficult being away from someone that you see everyday of your life. It's cool though, the time apart does a body good. Then I am the one to leave 3 days after he gets back. I am super excited to spend time with the guys and gals in good ole' WestChester. I have soo much fun when I am there. And Target has coconuts again!!!! Do I see a repeat of last years shananigans (sp?)??? My sources point to yes!!!

My depression has let up a great deal since last week. Last week was a killer. I also can't wait to rock out at the plethura of show that are coming. After a dry winter, an abundance of good rockin opportunities are a comin my way!!! I am going to make a valid attempt at posting all of these shows I will be attending on my myspace page, so as soon as I get that damn free times in front of me, I will do so!

I need to vent real quick...Erica has been eating Vicoden like crazy and sort of bragging about it in front of me. Not really bragging, I guess, but talking about it alot and shit. She knows perfectly well about my history with this horrible drug, but continues to let me know how much she is doing it. Greg didn't make a downhill slide with nothing to blame for it. Vicoden led to him killing himself amongst other things that happened to him. He stole all of my money because of it for chrissakes. I really don't think that talking about this shit constantly is appropriate to do in front of someone whose life got ruined by it. Correct me if I'm wrong I guess. People are just genuine assholes and have no idea when to shut up about things. Angie did the same thing the other day with the Adderol. I know it's a different category, but I never want to do pills again. Not fuckin worth it. End transmission 

I love the cock

So Thursday was, as well, the best day ever. It started off with the finale of midterm week, thank Christ, and Ezra picking me up from class. We proceeded to go fuck our brains out because it has been an utterly long time (yeast, cold, bloody drawers), and decided to go to the movies with Angie. It was four o'clock and we had some time to kill before the movie, so we decided to do some well deserved daytime drinkin'. Well flashforeward to midnight when we were still at the bar. 8 motherfuckin hours at the bar. We were joined by Karen and Ryan and it was a grand time. Angie and I spend approximately 35 dollars in the jukebox and played the same songs over and over and over. Sam Cooke has never been played so much in his life. We slow danced to Otis Redding and had the most heartfelt conversations and bonded like we haven't in so long. It feels so good to have that girl here. I love her so much and can't wait to go visit her soon. She makes me happy and not utterly miserable like I usually am. Angie, Ryan, Ezra, and I make a good foursome (shut up sickos) and I am looking foreward to many happy times with them. 

A night to remember

Oh last night really WAS all it's cracked up to be!!! Everyone (well almost) that I love was there with me and it was ubsurdly fun. We got picked up at Hooligan's by Ryan and Angie and when we got to Screwie Louie's, we were whisked away to a magical land called backstage, where the Redbull Vodka and Miller Lite were a-flowin'. Then we all connected with the lovely members of Backwoods Payback, whom I love dearly, and proceeded to wreck massive havok with silly string and glow necklaces. It was an amazing night and it made this overwhelmingly shitty week that consisted of midterms and stolen credit cards all worth while. Now I am sitting in my room watching Futurama and feeling like massive shit. Diarreah is flowing like wine and I am really not wanting to go to work today. So I worked some shit out with Kim to go in later if she can go in later next Saturday because she wants to go to the strip club or sumthin. Whatever. Anywho, I had so much fun causing trouble, and hanging out with my friends. I am the luckiest girl in the world. OMG I totally forgot to write about the other day...Hold on, I'll start a new post 

Too Little, Too Late

Ok, well I don't so much feel like telling the rest of the story, but I will say that it ended up with vomit all over the floor, and a pissed in bed. And a pissed off roomate.

I feel like ass. I am so down in the dumps. I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with me, besides I am utterly unsatisfied with my life as I know it. I am stuck in a job that sucks my life's blood, I don't think I'll EVER get done with school at this rate, and I am miserable in Ohio. I have one good thing in my life, Ezra, and I am making a valid effort to try to convince myself that it is not working. I have no idea why, because I know tootin' well that it is working out splendidly. I tend to pull this kind of shit when I am scared of getting hurt. And ya'll better believe that I am terrified. It's hard enough dating someone with an ex-gf, but try an ex- wife. It just weighs heavy on my brain. Ezra obviously is over that part of his life, but it is extremely hard for me to seperate myself from thoughts. Please make a magical pill to shut off my brain. Shouldn't those damn wheels be slowing down with rust by now. Of course not. I just have to know that Ezra went through hell and high water to be with me, and that is where he wants to be. I know it's this fucking birth control that is turning me into a watery pile of woman, with tiara and g string floating around. Hormones suck. I am very much in love with a stable (um hello, that doesn't happen to me) man, who I am able to be a goofball with, who enjoys the morbid side of life, as do I. I just have to get a grip and be cool. I deserve to be happy for once. God forbid.

On a darker note, I found my old best friend Ace!!! I love this boy and we were stuck together like glue for the better part of two years. He is one of the funniest and good hearted people I know, and I can't wait for him to come visit me.

And Angie is here right now so, I have an ally in this cruel world. Thank you universe for sending this beautiful best friend my way during this hard week.

P.S. FUCK YOU MIDTERMS!

Ride me hard and put me away wet

OMG

Amy and the fat man...Part Deux!

So as any redblooded American knows, there is such a thing called fat man syndrome, where if you say "Hello, how are you?" to an overweight gentleman, it comes across as "Hello, I want you to fuck me". This was the case of this very evening. The entire ride home Ezra and I are like OMG, this is gonna be trouble, because Stacy is rubbing up on Amy like she is a piece of bacon. We FINALLY get home and Ezra and I attempt to go to sleep, but alas, are kept up by the two loudest people on the planet. There is no way we are gonna fall asleep, so we get our shit together and hike on over to his house. Little did we know the night was not over yet.....Coming soon in part Tres....Vomit and Pee and Molesting, Oh MY! 

Fuckin' A

hahahahahahahahhahhshshahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Girls of the world ain't nuthin' but TROUBLE...Part un

So let me recap this fateful night. Ezra and I were going to his friend Ben's buh-bye party and I kinda wanted someone I knew to go, cuz it can get a little akward around these people (not really sure if they like me, don't really care, but gimme a break, I gotta have someone to talk to), Erica, the usual standby was busy, so Amy was the next choice. The thoughts that followed were, oh she'll be fine, no biggie if she has like two beers. What the fuck is wrong with me??? I shoulda known. She keeps drinkin' cup after cup of Great Lakes (This is important because she usually drinks el cheapo beer like natty light or whatever college kids drink these days), so she is gettin mighty wasted. At this point, I'm like fuck. I, per usual, am the sober one of the group, so naturally, the babysitter in me comes out. Considering the fact that I don't even know these people, I have to make sure that she is well behaved. After falling out of her chair and having some random that Ezra didn't even know get her some water, needless to say I was pissed. The ride home was a glimpse into my own personal hell because all I hear the entire way home is "Whateva, I do what I want". I swear her and Stacy are the same person because the looove to outtalk each other and see who wins....Th 

The boys in the hood are always hard.....

.....come talkin' that trash we'll pull your card, knowin' nuthin' in life but to be legit, so don't quote me boy cuz I ain't said shit...

I am going to have a gangsta rap party!!! Everyone has to dress and act like gangsta rappers and drink fourtys and smoke blunts. This is truely the best idea i've ever had. It is all because of my gangsta rap coloring book. Seriously, this is sweet as fuck

Everyday it's a gettin' closer, goin' faster than a rollercoaster

Who fuckin' knew that David Cross did a PETA ad?! This is maybe the best thing I have ever seen, as this man is my new love. SOOOOOOO fuckin funny.

Ezra is doing some radio show with his friends tonight. How cute is he? We had such good sex last night. I know, I know TMI, but we just have so much fun together. We went bowling with Rob and Repo Joe and I wiped the lanes with the bunch of 'em. I dunno how I managed that seeing that my average is about a 62. I won with an all time high score of 143!!! Rob had a brilliant idea of a bowling party with a bunch of people. That serves to be nothing but fun and frolicking with the SOSF crew. I swear, I am having so much fun with everyone lately. I am a social butterfly. I do hate work with a passion though, so don't worry, I haven't lost my misery. That type of thing will never go away! It's in my bone marrow.

Anyway, that's about it. I need to get my old pictures transfered to this computer from my old one so that I can post more, especially the halloween ones. I am most proud of my costume this year, so I want to show all of y'all my artistry.

Let's all get dixie fried!!!

Hello my name is wonkey eye!!!! Wtf is wrong with me? I maybe look like the loopiest girl to land on this planet. This weekend was pretty good. It started wonderful with a trip to the Zephyer and sitting at the bar with Pops and Roza all night and cracking the fuck up. I love Pops, we have the same mind. We hate everyone, both are very angry, and looooovvee the same television shows. Any one that shares my affinity for Strangers with Candy and Mitchell has loyalty from me til the end. If Ezra and I don't work out, Pops and I will promptly get hitched. I also really like all of Ezra's friends. I didn't at first, I thought that they were stuck up and rude, but they just had to get to know me and now it is all good. I especially like Roza. She is super chill and adorable and fun to talk to. On Saturday I went to a show at the ECC with mooshie. I was monstrously tired so the ciggy smoke and loudness was irritating to me. I wasn't feeling it. And no liquour. What is that about? I had to go to goddamn Panini's to get a shot. Bullshitty.

On Sunday I went to Urban Outfitters because I heard through the shopping grapevine that there was a gigundous sale and that I better get my fashion crazy ass out there or I would have a gazillion anxiety attacks. So I hauled ass on up to butt fuck to get my shop on. Did I ever!!!! I got 4 pairs of super shoes and some random shirts and skirts. I also got super cute sheets with little horsey shoes on them. And curtians. And a fantabulous necklace with a little dear on it. When I got back, I went to see my adorable neice and family. I am not quite sure why I didn't take pictures, but next time I see her I will. Ezra, Ryan and I went to El Camp and feeling quite full, we proceeded to eat peanut butter soy dream in bed and have some good sex. Overall, I'd say I had a pretty rockin' weekend. Next crazy time will be Karen's birthday. 

Take it on the run baby...

Yeah, yeah, everyone has to have bad tattoos. Mine are mostly curtosy of Dave Winland. Fucker. This rose is pretty much my worst one. Even though I wish I had them all to do over. Oh well, we all make mistakes. 

Make it up as we go along

Here I am being a naughty Wolffy. Smokin' a ciggy. Tsk Tsk. Good thing I only steal Erica's smokes when I am wasted.

I just found out that Ryan is doing a club tour and he is coming to Screwy Louies!!!! With Backyard Payback to boot!!! So that means Angie, Ryan, Mike, Jess, Miles, and Rob will all be partying at my pad on March 10!!! Whomever wants to come is welcome, we don't descriminate here at Palace Wolff. I know Ry hates touring, but fuck it, it's in his home state with all of his friends. Oh how exiting!!!!! And I get to see Angie like 13 days after that for 1 whole week. March is going to be the best month ever!!!!

I almost cried in math class today. About fuckin' Greg. What the fuck is going on? I just miss the way he used to talk to me. He made me feel smart and funny and pretty. I hate saying these things cuz I have a bf now, but I have to get this out some way. These two boys couldn't be anymore different and I love Ezra for being who he is, but I miss the good things about Greg. Yes, the bad things did overrule, but the good things were very good. It's sad.

P.S. I love Conor Oberst. 

Hey who's on trial?

Here are my roomie and I acting uber-sexual at the bar. Of course I am drunkie as a skunkie. Why else would I be acting like such an asshole. Yesterday, Karen came over and we watched Project Runway. Fucking Santino, he is such an asshole. It really bugs me that the show is fixed. I thought it was different. GRRRR...

Anyway, I am feeling restless this Wednesday morning. I have to go into work in a little bit. I don't wanna. At least I get to close with Tahli. I can't go to class tonight because Erica is sick. That kind of freaks me out cuz I never miss class. But this teacher asshole just specificly follows the book, so it should be cool.

There is nothing much to talk about today, nothing is happening in my life at all. Fuckin A. 

Love ta Love ta Love ya

This is my favorite picture of Ezra and I thus far. Even though he is making a pouty face, I look so happy because that is what he makes me feel like. The way that I fell for Ezra is a novella in itself, it was weird and unwanted, but now I do not know what I would do if he was not in my life. I've known him for years and NEVER thought of him in this way. He would not give up and I am glad of that.

Anywho, it's V-day, whoopdi do. I really do not care about today, it means nothing to me. Romance wise at least. I use this day to let my friends and family know how much I love and appreciate them. I already talked to Angie (I will be seeing her soon OMG!!!!), and I will text everyone on my important list a little later. As for my boo, I don't care to let him know that I love him today. He already knows and doesn't need some el stupido bear or candy to make him feel special. Nor do I.

On a darker note, I really hate my hair right now. I am trying to grow my hair out, and it's in a horrible place right now. It takes all my might not to cut my bangs everyday. ARRRGGG. 

The first cut is the deepest

Don't you hate it when someone that is supposed to be your friend lies straight to your face? I sure do. Especially when it is about something utterly trivial just because she is afraid you will yell at her. Well I wouldn't yell, but now I am deeply hurt and bothered by the fact that this person is able to tell every single person around her besides me that she did something. I am not naming any names, but she knows who she is and what this is about. That's way fucked up. 

If I Was Workin At the Club You Would Not Pay

I totally forgot to speak about the movie last night! We saw Final Destination 3, even though I have never seen the first two. Ezra spoke super highly of them, but I had my doubts. It turns out that it was awesome. The deaths were waaaayyyyy gory and hilarious. I loved it. It promised and delivered, giving the audience exactly what they wanted to see. I loved it. Happy girl I was.

Ezra went to some hunting store this morning, so I took this opportunity to watch Gilmore Girls. Since he has such a massive vendetta against it. I don't care.

BTW, this is a penis wristwatch. I thrive on educating the public. 

One night in Bangkock

This weekend was weird. Friday night Ezra and I got into our first tiff and it was ludicris. I was SUPER drunk and we got home and I blew a comment that he said completely out of proportion. Then he was mad at me and it turned into a big thing. But, about 10 minutes later it was over and we had some of the best sex we ever had. Real intense sex. It was nice and left me shakin in my birthday suit. That's why I love this fella, super good sex. I mean, amongst other reasons, wildly handsome, funny and sweet.

I kind of look gross in this picture, but whatever. It needs to be seen. There are many more from the notorious drunk night that will be posted soon. 

I need you so much closer......

 

Don't Stop Belivin'

So I feel icky again. I can't stop thinking about Greg. I know that is to be expected, but I don't like this shit. I feel, for the first time in my life, I am fighting depression. I mean genuine kicking and screaming fistacuffs (gotta love that word). I don't want this to happen, and even though since I was 13 years old, bad shit and death have surrounded me, I really feel defeated. I'm waving the surrender white flag over here. I refuse to give in though, I have too much to be thankful for. I have an awe inspiring boyfriend, and an unbelievably supportive family. Not to mention a beautiful and caring group of friends. I don't want this to be happening. Sometimes I feel that I am cursed. I've got the Wolfman curse. No matter what I do, something always happens. Like the morning I found out Greg died, I shit you not, I was driving to work super happy, it was beautiful out, and I had a great morning, I was thinking geez I'm happy, now all I need is for someone to die. My phone rang not five minutes later with the news. WTF???!!!

I hope this passes. Like every rough spell in my life, it should pass. It's just particularly difficult this time. Grrrr...

On the bright side, I just ordered the cutest espridrilles (shoes, assholes) from Urban Outfitters. For 20 bones nonetheless. Shopping makes me feel better. And seeing my bf, which I will be doing in about 1 hour. Toodles... 

you're a mean mean man

Oh Jerri Blank, how you are the funniest person ever to walk this earth.


I guess I am feeling mighty crappy. The math test didn't go so well, I got a parking ticket (I hate you Kent State), and I spent 5 hours watching Six Feet Under with Ezra in his bed. What a waste of a day. The episodes weren't even that good anyway, except for the last one we watched that involved crack smoking. Everything is better with the crack!

I don't really want to be in my comfort zone this weekend. I just wish that there was a show or something to do this weekend. I really don't want to spend every night with Ezra in bed watching TV. Not that I don't love both of them, but I wanna DO something, GO somewhere. I feel like I am trapped in this hell of a rut and I'm six feet under crawlin the dirt to get the fuck out.

Anywho, I am gonna get on to bed. I'm restless though, I might have to take some sleepin pills tonight. Feels like one of those sleepless buggers that fuck with my cranium. Some ants crawled in my ear or some shit.

I Wanna Fuckin' Tear You Apart

I love my boyfriend. He is a fuckin champ. It feels really good to have a semi-normal relationship with a guy. When Ezra first started pursuing me (or stalking, whatever), I was like yeah the fuck right. Then like a strange new species of fungi, he grew on me and I fell for him. I was real nervous at first, cuz of the shit with Greg and his ex, but slowly we developed a wonderful relationship. I believe that we are very good with each other. We have distance, yet closeness. He has helped me through the hardest time of my life, and no matter what happens between us, I will never forget that. He is the most levelheaded person I have ever been with, and it is refreshing. I love him a lot and anticipate spending a good amount of time with him in the future.

My day was pretty good today. Work went fast and my studying is going pretty well. I really miss hanging out with my friends. Amy, Angie, and Aud. This whole distance thing is not working out for me and I am pissed. Tahli too. I want to party hard and there is no one worth partying with. I hope to continue to spend time with Karen, but we have conflicting schedules, and it never works right when we wanna hang out. Hopefully when she turns 21 we will be able to spend more time together.

Oh cruel world, why do things never work out in the way I want them to. On a lighter note, I got my Arrested Development DVD and when I am done watching my other bazillion series that I need to watch, that one will be next.

Man, that is one fugly face I am making in that picture. I think Ezra is trying to attempt to be contemplating something smart. Really not working out for him...

P.S. I realized that Ezra is really smart and it is a shame that he is a tattoo artist because he could really be anything he wanted to be. Smart cookie, that boy...