I be up in the gym...

Get ready to gag like Deep Throat 6 when I tell you the cutest thing ever...Ezra joined the gym with me! I have a purdy hard time getting motivated to do anything except run at the gym so it is now awesome that I have someone to do other stuff with. Ezra is really trying to get healthier i.e. not eat so much processed shit and cut down on the meat/up the veggies. This rules. We are going to work out a regime to get us it tippity toppity shape. Now we can finally start swinging and not be embarrassed of our figures!

Anywho... things are going ok. At least nothing has been stolen from me in the past week. My best/worst friend Acey Ace is coming to visit me. Like all of my closest friends, he brings out the worst in me. I forsee a weekend packed with assholisms and alcohol. I couldn't ask for anything more!

I am jobless at this point. This sucks, but I'm not too pressed right now. School is kicking my butt! I have no free time. I have to memorize 200 drugs and their uses AND figure out all of these unknown pathogens. I haven't even started nursing school yet!

Alas, I must be off to get a Hepatitis shot. Yuck.

Keep it horny!

Something Filthy This Way Comes

Ok, so is it really true that bad things come in threes? Can it be possible that a person is cursed? Was I, Theresa Wolff, cursed in my past life? I don't know, but I DO know that I have the best, worst luck of anyone I have ever met. So, here are the threes:

1. My car got sideswiped by some drunk Mexican whilst I was at work. This happened right before Xmas and I had to pay the 500 dollar deductible. That is over and fixed and long gone.

2. My purse and gym bag got stolen from my fucking house, but I got all my shit back minus 20 bucks and a Barnes and Noble gift card. The rest of my shit was found in the park.

3. While having an amazing time dancing to 60s and 70s soul at the Beauty Bar, my car got broken into. My shitty book of burnt cds was stolen as was my school bag and gym bag (again). It fucking sucked. I couldn't even cry. But, as to every shitty thing that happens to me, it turned out to be not so shitty. I got a call from my gym who got a call from a recycling center close to the place where my bag was stolen saying the bag was dropped off in front of their facility and they have my stuff! Turns out all that was stolen was a book of cds that were mostly Ezra's and my pencil case. My life is too weird.

Everything else is going ok, weird, but ok. The new puppy is amazing. Now I gots ta go look for a better jobby job.

Sea of Love

I saw Juno last night. It rocked. My parents are here right now. Kind of gives me anxiety. I have my first Microbiology test tomorrow. Freaked as fuck. Karen is coming next week. Rules my school.

My purse got stolen. From my house. Someone just walked right in and took it while 3 of us were home. It was found in the park with my wallet and calculator missing. I only had 20 bucks in there and was fully relieved that my 100+ dollars of MAC makeup was in there still. I will stab a motherfucker for some makeup. I'm really freaked out though.

I gotta go. Life is bizarre right now. Good, but bizarre. Will elaborate at a later date.

Mooshes.

In the Valley of the Wolffs

Wowie, what a whirlwind of a month since I blogged last. Let's start with Christmas Eve, when the 4 house mates plus Ryan Holeman decided it would be a "good" idea to go to three sushi place in one day. I was FULLY against this, as my stomach does not do well eating large quantities of food at one time. I am better grazing throughout the day. It's hard to describe the madness, but all was well upon going home and watching Die Hards all night long.

New Years Eve: The Most Amazing Night of my Life

Trust that I WILL be posting pictures up as soon as I can find my camera's cord.

This night began with me thinking that I had to work. I went in and it was dead, so I got to go home! When I arrived at the house, Ezra told me to hurry up and look cute, we are going to an amazing gay man's house for a party. You can imagine my joy. I love fabulous gays. We met up with Kimber and Eric at their awesome house and drank Kiera Knightly's favorite drink, Pink champagne. Kimber and Eric are awe-inspiring people. Kimber is absolutely GORGEOUS, dressing straight out of the 60s in L.A. She wears fabulous jewelry and is just beautiful. Eric loves horror movies and everything else cool, so it was only natural that the first time we hung out it was on our last night in town. Go figure. Anywho, we sipped champagne, popped a couple benzodiazapines and headed out to my future husbands house.

When I get there, I swear I stop breathing for a moment...this man lives in a Morroccan-style home and the walls are plastered with paintings and photos of HIM and him only (although I did stumble upon a Joan Collins biography, Le Sigh). I've never felt like I've belonged anywhere more in my entire life. I realized my life's goal. I was meant to be a beard. I would be utterly happy being some beautiful gay man's wife and never having sex with my own husband. Alas, this dream must be put on hold for right now because I am pretty happy with Ezra at this point. So, the party is all decked out with sushi, fresh fruits, nuts and an open bar. I shoved some Sophia Coppola champagne cans into my bag, so I was set up for the rest of the night. The last thing I remember is going up on his roof and stealing his highly expensive bedspread and wearing it as a cape. This was midnight. We stayed until 2:30. Ezra tells me that I threw up in his 14 carot gold sink twice and he had to scoop it out with his hands. I also made everyone in the party show me their private parts. I was "out of hand". I have never blacked out before and it is a very weird feeling when someone is showing you pictures of yourself doing things that you can't remember doing. I was trying to get people to make out and do various other sexual acts in front of me. Some actually did them. Jeez. Needless to say, this night was amazing and beat every other New Years Eve's that I had ever had.

Now we are pretty well settled into our humble abode in Austin. Living here has made me not so hopeless about my life. We have visitors coming almost every week for the next three months. That rules. I can't believe Karen is coming. Everything is coming up just peachy! Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Shake Dat Ass Bitch!

I'm pretty doggone happy right about now. This is new for me. I haven't been truly happy in approx. 1 year. Thanks San Antonio! Things are most definitely looking more lovely as time progresses. Here are some new things to look forward to in the life of little Terry Liz:


1) Ryan Holman comes to visit tomorrow. Yes, he and Ezra are the most annoying people alive, but I will take any human contact right about now. Ezra and I need this.

2) We got a house in Austin! It is a 3 bedroom on the East side of Austin right across from a brand new public library! My life has most certainly come full circle. I grew up living across the street from a public library and that simple thing has molded me into the bookworm, nerd I am today. I used to spend hours there, perusing the shelves reading books about the Elephant Man and Harry Houdini. Everything I loved when I was 8 I still love. I can also walk to school from this house. Another lifelong dream fulfilled.

3) I will be entering nursing school in the fall if everything goes well. This means more to me than anything in the whole universe.

4) I will be traveling to the City of Brotherly Hate in less than a month to visit my dearest, bestest, prettiest friend in the world. I will be whole again once I am in the company of Angie and we are stoned, eating, farting, and shopping. Dancing too. That is the best thing ever.

I hope none of these dreams plummet to their death in the next month or so. If they do, trust me, you'll know.

MOOSH!

FTW

I am so sick of my life I want to scream. IfuckinghateSanAntonio more than anyone could ever hate anything ever. I am so miserable. Does anyone know what it's like to not have any friends for almost a year??? It fucking sucks. When I go shopping, it's alone, when I watch stupid girl shows, it's alone. When I go to eat, it's alone. I can't stand this shit anymore. I feel like crying all day today. I had a wonderful birthday, got a 96 on my Anatomy and Physiology final, a 100 on my government final, and a 100 on a Chemistry quiz, but none of that seems to matter to me. I miss my mother, I miss my friends, I miss my cousin...dare I say, I miss OHIO. Texas is not all it's cracked up to be. Was it ever cracked up in the first place? What does that even mean??? UGH. I AM SO SICK OF THIS SHIT. I'm really losing it. Like right now. I just yelled at Ezra for seriously no reason at all. He left mad, I'm alone with absolutely NOTHING to do for the entire day. I don't want to go shopping, I want to hang out with somebody that actually gets me. If I didn't have anything to to in the morning, I would just go to Austin right now and fucking, I don't even know...JUST GET OUT OF HEREEREREEjklfoakls.


Greg died 2 years ago yesterday.

I'm getting old as fuck.

I smell because I haven't showered in 3 days.

My back and arms hurt from working out.

I just want to cry my eyes out.

I need a valium.

My dog keeps farting.

I don't know what to do with myself.

There is nothing on TV. No movies to watch. Not hungry.

WHAHDHHAHHAHHHAHAHAHA.

Kill me.

Crapsgiving!

I hope everyone had a vondervul holiday weekend. Mine was uneventful. That is a very good thing. Wednesday was relatively busy at work and I awoke Thursday with excitement and slobbering with anticipation of the feasting Ben and I were about to partake in. We had reservations at Green for their vegetarian Thanksgiving buffet! Here is a picture in all it's gluttonous glory.
The meal was the usual sides and faux meat. It was fabulous though. The yams were scrumptious and everything was perfectly seasoned. I didn't even need any salt! That, my friends, is a Thanksgiving miracle in and of itself. Ben couldn't wait to dive in, as you can see in Exhibit A.

Seriously, it rocked my vegan socks.

It was Ezra's first year cooking a turkey and he did very well. Despite a little bit of tomfoolery.

After we ate, we relaxed, watched the new Futurama movie (sooooo good), watched Mean Girls, and did absolutely nothing but be fat lazy pigs. Life was grand.

I don't have much else to report on except that I went to Steve and Barry's to buy the dress from the latest Project Runway for the Sarah Jessica Parker line. It was adorable and only 19.98! I would put a picture up, but I can't find a good one. I also got like 2 bags of stuff for 100$.

Dat's about it...finals week is almost here and then, perhaps, I will have a life again.